The end; the beginning

Yesterday marked my last shift at the Bux I transferred in to from Kentucky. It was an odd day on many accounts. We were short one partner, so it made for a more chaotic shift than what I had anticipated, and at a certain point, I let frustration get the better of me. One of our retired regulars brought me a huge bouquet of flowers and wished me luck. For whatever reason, the events of the day sparked a memory.

A million years ago, when I first started working for the Bux, I spent much of my time as an opening shift supervisor. Yesterday, quite randomly, I remembered those early mornings and how I once felt. In the quietness of the morning, I would go outside and set up the umbrellas and tables for the day. At times, the early morning fog still hung in the air, and I still remember that crisp smell. I remembered that I once dreamed of opening a café outside the US, and I would think about this imagined café often as I opened the umbrellas and set each one purposefully in its place. I imagined how it would feel to open the umbrellas of my own café, presumably somewhere in France. I also imagined knowing many of the customers, in some random small village, by name and greeting them each morning. One of my main reasons for accepting the job at the Bux, way back when, was to learn the café industry in preparation for opening my own.

Yesterday, I realized that I'd forgotten. In the messy, corporate stench of this company (which was surely not the case way back when) I'd forgotten my love of the café experience. I'd forgotten what I love about coffee and a café is the connection--the human connection--that happens as souls come together in such a place. In the chaotic herding of people in and out, I'd forgotten my daydreams of those early mornings at The Summit.

I'm determined to regain this. Having worked at several locations, I don't know that this new one will be any different, but I can regain this feeling, this connection, within myself. I don't know if I'll ever own a café outside the US, and that's not really the point, but I can reconnect with the present moment while working here.

Because my life outside of work is filled with such happiness and peace, it has been easy to live for those times outside of the Bux, but I find myself challenged to take living in the present moment to my job, as well. I cannot simply practice living in the moment within those times that are already beautiful on their own accord--that's the easy part. I must also learn to rise above any on-the-job frustration, and find the beauty in those moments and connect with what is going on around me.

Although, I did not intend to be at the Bux for more than a few months after moving to New York, this is where I find myself today. And if I am honest, it has provided me the opportunity and the time I need to write, and for that, I must be truly grateful indeed.

Some Observations Thus Far

Don’t misjudge the depth of a snow-melting-puddle. Like life in general, some things aren't always how they appear. And as in life, you’ll sometimes find this out by stepping in boldly only to be met with that cold, soggy feeling of instant wet socks. The walk home will feel a bit longer, but the lesson will stay with you. We live, we learn, and in my case, we go home and change our socks.

You are often met with the same attitude you portray. During our semester in France, and in spite of the stereotype of those rude French, we were met with exactly one stereotypical rude being; as it turns out, he was from San Francisco! So there. New Yorkers, as with many other human sentient beings on this planet, most often respond accordingly to the way in which they are approached. Encountering others in a genuine, patient, and kind manner will do wonders for your personal adventures in human interactions. Try it and see. 

A huge space with an excessive amount of things is not needed for contentment. Of course we all know this, but these last few weeks have been a good reminder to me. With most of our things still in storage at the farm, (thank you mom and pop!) and with the realization that many of these things in storage are out-of-the-question-too-large for our new little flat, (as one customer calls it) we've been again reminded that life is about love, relationships, and moments. Full stop. Bare walls echo our laughter, and we are reminded of our peace, contentment, and gratitude.

If the beautiful snow ever ceases and decides to melt we will be out exploring more. (We've had one of the snowiest winters on record thus far!) For now, a lot of work, a lot of résumés, and a lot of settling into our new routines. My brilliant wife has her hands full with school and honors program. Tonight we are celebrating our birthdays with the Uncles over pool, beers, burgers, and laughter by all. Oh, and did I happen to mention that we are loving our new life here? Peace.

a month into life in our new city

One month...and a few days. It's a quiet, rainy, sunny, snowy, but nevertheless, inspiring Saturday morning in our glorious new city. Not all has gone according to plan, but other events have far surpassed any plans we could have imagined.  We're still camped out in the spare bedroom of family good-natured-ness, while we learn that the apartment market in NYC is craz-i-ness for sure. Talk about life in the fast lane! Our agent called to show us a studio last week only to find out that it had been leased by another agent before we could even physically arrive at his office. Lightening fast! Still, we are getting closer...soon....

We've also learned that "cozy" is NYC slang for small-ass-tiny-practically-microscopic. But how we adore cozy little studios, so we're A-okay with this. (And our future guests will have to be fond of this--and us--as well!) We both share this conviction of one's responsibility to take up as little space/resources on this earth as possible, so we're excited by this idea. (As a side note, have you heard of the tiny house movement such as tumbleweed tiny houses? We are both fascinated and inspired by this concept, and I encourage you to check it out and give it some thought.)

Oh, and then there's the day we got married.....Oh yes, we did. January 10th. It was a beautiful, snowy morning. I've never been happier and more at peace with any decision in my entire life. I am beyond grateful for this beautiful soul--force of nature--and our life together. She gets me and still wanted to marry me. Yay me! I am truly home.  

I know New York is not the place for everyone, but it seems a beautiful fit for us. Overall, I love the people here; they have this invigorating sense about them that I find brilliant. The city itself carries a personality that makes one feel as though it is a real person, for lack of a better word. It is not just a place in which to live; it is an essence that one has an ongoing conversation with--an old friend who accepts you just as you are while pushing you to reach beyond yourself. 

Once we find and settle in to our cozy apartment, I'll try to communicate on a more regular basis. Keep your fingers crossed for us, please, on all accounts. Resumés are going out in record numbers. For now, peace to everyone and remember to slow down and enjoy the moments. 

Ciao, 

K Wimberley Casey

my bench

At first glance this bench is nothing special. There are quite possibly hundreds like it on this very campus, but this one holds a memory for me that is not easily forgotten.

Today, I took a break from wrestling with financial aid (an activity I will not miss) and visited my bench. Two years ago, I hesitantly forced myself to explore the campus I would soon be attending. I had only been here once before that chilly spring day and I'm not ashamed to say that I was greatly intimidated. On that day of forced exploration, while sitting on this very bench, I made a promise to myself. I would finish my degree no matter how intimidated I felt. Being long past the average college age, I knew that this wouldn't be the easiest goal in the world, but I knew that I must do this...for myself.

Today, I am staring at my last semester, one final burst of energy is all that is needed before I move to NYC with the Love I now call home and we continue our beautiful life together. As I sat on my bench to reflect, I realized that I am growing tired of essays, 2am bedtimes and final exams, but I can see the bright light of my tunnel coming into focus. I am almost there; what an incredibly breathtaking journey it has been. Laying the morbid thought of school debt aside, (that is rant for another day) I will have accomplished something I would not have believed I was capable of accomplishing ten years ago. I am ever grateful for this journey and the strength and peace I have found  inside along the way.

The process

With a move six months on the horizon, I've been contemplating my months years in Louisville. A two day ride on a greyhound bus brought me back from Spokane and I still recall the apprehension I felt in the darkness of that long ride. The thought of my family brought a smile, but beyond this, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or going to do. My only plan was to find a plan.

Oddly enough, the plan that landed in my lap became the source of some of my highest moments as well as my lowest. During these years, I experienced the very best of human kindness and felt the horrendous blow of corrupted power. I grew in personal confidence, but I also saw my own flaws flare like fireworks on the Fourth of July. I viewed life from the mountain top and slammed rock bottom as quick as a flash. What threatened to crush me pointed me in the direction of my greatest happiness and fulfillment. Funny how that works.

It has taken me a while to reach this point, but I am grateful. I am grateful for the process--the painfully slow, torturing process we call life. My life is nothing like it was ten years ago, but I am who I am today because of everything I've experienced. It is part of my story--my voice. The process has carved out more of my true self, the self that always seemed to be inside, waiting patiently, but craving to breath fresh air.

Over the top of my computer screen, I see this Love I now call home. Yeah...you better believe I'm grateful.