Day after Christmas...

Here I sit, day after Christmas, wife's at work. Still trying to adjust to my new schedule and find time for writing, admittedly, I'm not doing so well finding the time to write yet. Surprisingly, given my position on the work totem pole, I didn't work yesterday and enjoyed a beautiful day with the wifey. We went to the movies. It has been unseasonably warm this year -- let that sink in -- and I found myself peeling off my coat as we walked through quiet neighborhoods towards the little independently-owned theatre. Once again, dispelling the idea that New York has only massive stores and shops. I was quite surprised to see the line already forming outside as we rounded the corner. Then realizing, and remembering, that we live in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, I had my duh moment of the day. Our first time to this theatre, I was instantly spiraled back in time a few decades. It was, itself, a little theatre out of a 1950s movie. We saw Into the Woods, by the way, and it was marvelous. It was a day to be cherished.

Today is another beauty of a day. The sun has filled our entire tiny place, which I guess isn't that hard to do, and I'm slowly waking up with the help of some strong, patient espresso. I'll head into the city in a bit and soak in some much needed magic--the city never fails to provide. Sunny, rainy, snowy, the city turns on its magic and I am once again captivated and inspired. I'll carry with me the first Harry Potter book for my reading time while on the sub. I decided to get an early jump on my reading list for 2015. Harry Potter series first, then Les Miserables and Don Quixote. After that...we shall see.....

Enjoy the last few days of 2014; we'll catch up in the New Year. Peace.

Brunch on Madison Avenue

Crepes at Keko's. If you are ever in our lovely little city, please do yourself a favor and have crepes at this quaint little beauty of a cafe. I was grateful to spend a wintry morning this week in the city with my wife. As we walked along Madison Avenue, the smallest dusting of snow added just a touch more magic to an already magical day. I was reminded once again that we live in New York. We live in New York.

It's been a year. Can you believe it? I can't sometimes. One year ago today, we rolled up in a full Volkswagen Golf after a night of driving, after my last final was taken at University of Louisville. In the spring of 2014, over a nice bottle of Merlot (did you really expect anything less?), we decided to pack up everything and make this move after I graduated. At times, over those next few months, I wondered are we crazy? but I knew--we knew in our gut this was the time for such a move. As pop always says, "do something, even if it's wrong." It was time to do something. Even after we made that leap, and we spent the next fifty days searching nonstop for an apartment, I'd ask myself again, are we crazy?? I also knew that others were asking themselves the same question, are they crazy? Perhaps we are a bit, but if it brings me this much joy--I'd like to sign up for more.

Today, as we sit in our cozy tiny space, I am...happy, content, peaceful. I'm also proud of us. We worked hard this last year to make this thing work--it wasn't always easy, but we faced each day with determination. After a billion resumes (it seemed that many) I even have a job I am thoroughly enjoying. It also brings me such happiness to see M- thriving in the (many) opportunities she's discovered. I am so grateful to be living this journey, this beautiful adventure, with someone who brings countless smiles to my heart.

All this to say, do what is in your heart to do; be happy. Before moving, we discussed the fact that we might actually fall flat on our face--what then? We decided we'd just have to get back up, dust ourselves off, and go for it again. This was a new journey--and the nature of such is that we could not be certain of the outcome. We committed to keep moving forward, no matter how slow our steps. So I'll say it again: do what is in you heart to do; be happy--find peace.

Twenty years from now you will be 
more disappointed by the things you didn't do 

than by the ones you did.

So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

~Mark Twain~

And So The Tradition Continues...

There is always an excitement at the Wimberley abode when the signs of autumn make their hinted appearance. There's speculation of when the first frost will arrive, there's an excitement at the first sighting of autumn color, and the evenings spent around a campfire in the backyard grow in number. Another long held Wimberley tradition, is the watching of Those Calloways--one of Pop's all time favorite movies. As the temperatures cool, anyone can bet that there will be a call from Pop or myself, that states You know what it's time for! 

I am not sure when we started watching this movie, but I absolutely love it. It is such a Pop  movie too. It is about respect for nature seen through the lives of a family that lives in the woods of Vermont. Cam, the father, was raised by Indians, and holds the tribe's totem, the Canadian goose, with high regard. If you've ever been around the Wimberleys for any length of time, you've not only heard of this movie, you've also heard us quote something from this movie. Last year, Pop introduced M- to our family tradition and I have to laugh each time she throws a quote into one of our conversations. This family tradition means a great deal to me, and as we curled up in our little tiny space this year for our own viewing of Those Calloways, I couldn't help but think how grateful I am to share such traditions with my wife and soul-mate. Such happy times. I never imagined that I would have someone like her with which to share these traditions. Although distance, jobs, and other hindrances kept us from watching this movie with Pop this year, the tradition continues in a new corner of our world.

Travel advice and happy holidays

It's the holiday season. It seems unreal to be approaching our one year anniversary of New Yorkers and as a married couple. This year has proven challenging, rewarding, peaceful, and exciting. I am still settling into the new job and will now  pass on some helpful travel tips I have learned.

1. Make sure your passport is valid.  Many countries require a passport to be valid 3 months past the dates of intended stay. (Some require 6 months)

1a. Also, although this is a shock to many Americans, there are countries in this world that actually do require you, dear American,  to have a visa before entering. Please refrain from crying when I inform you of this.

2. Make sure you bring your own passport and not your spouse's. I've been surprised at the number of times this has happened.

3. If your bag bulges in odd places and threatens to bust your gut as you place it on the scales, it is more than likely over the weight limit. Take some of that crap out. You won't wear it anyway. At the very least, don't act completely surprised when we say there will be an extra charge.

4. On many flights, even international, you can check in online several hours before the flight. Do so. you'll get a better choice of seats. If you procrastinate and run up to the counter four and a half minutes before the boarding begins, do not complain about the middle seat by the bathroom you'll now occupy.

5. Just as every barista hears "nonfat milk cancels out the whipped cream," every day of their existence as a barista,  airline employees hear, "I won't mind if you want to upgrade me to business class for free." We will try to muster up a smile as if it is an original joke, I promise we will.

So there you have it. Travel tips from my new experience. Enjoy your holidays, throw kindness around with carefree abandonment,  and live a life you'll not regret. Know that we wish you peace from our little corner of this magnificent universe. Whether you like it or not, we are all in this thing together. Namaste.

"Je parle un peu français lentement"

Bonjour all. I thought to give a quick update since I have yet to work out a structured time to write. I am still adjusting to my new schedule; since I tend to wake up early by nature, it's hard for me to force myself to sleep in so I'm not completely dragging at the end of my evening shift.

The new job continues to be quite a bit of fun and I am loving the daily challenge. Not only am I learning a lot of new information about the job itself, I am also forced to learn and use French on a daily basis. This alone has been worth it all. The nature of the job has forced me to simply communicate, and I'll admit, it is not always pretty, but more often than not, I get the job done. (Admittedly, there have been a few times where I find myself completely lost in a conversation and must call for the kindhearted French interns for backup--they always rush in to save the day.) Indeed, I work with a beautiful group of people.

One of the most defiant obstacles on my journey in French is my stubborn perfectionism. Often, even when I studied in Montpellier, the normal flow of conversation would have already moved to the next topic while my brain was still trying to conjugate a sentence correctly before I said it! That makes for good grades on tests, but it sucks in conversation. It has been a tendency that I have found difficult to overcome, but I finally see it happening within this job. I also finally see glimpses of my own personality shining through my, still limited, French. As I am relaxing more with the language, and perhaps my own flaws, I find myself actually communicating instead of thinking through grammar points.

I must also say that the French are lovely people! Many times I am asked if I speak French before the questions fly, and I have started answering "Je parle un peu français lentement." (I speak a little french slowly) They laugh and patiently explain what they are trying to say. They will also kindly correct my pronunciation, and help me find words when hand motions fail us, and I find this extremely helpful. Almost without fail, they end their conversation with some sort of compliment on my French. This is gracious for I know I've slaughtered their beautiful language to bits over the past few weeks. This compliment is probably mixed with a sort of pity--at least the poor soul is trying--but it is, nevertheless, heartfelt and I appreciate their kindness.

I often wonder how on earth I was born with such a love for a language of which I'd had no real exposure. It is like the classical music of language to me and my heart melts when I hear it. Sure, I was born in Paris....Tennessee, and I used to pretend that it was Paris, France, but I find this love for a language wonderfully puzzling. It is just another part of who I am. I laugh when I remember my first day of French class: I was sitting in the back of the room scared to death that I would fail this class miserably, but then I also remember a certain person, now wife, walking into the class that day and taking her seat in the front row. Isn't it funny and marvelous how some things work out? Little did I know how that class would change my life; I am forever grateful.

Peace to you. (and I might add, if you have ever wanted to learn another language, do it, no matter what your age or situation--you'll be glad you did.)

Enjoy Autumn's Display

What a busy few weeks. I’m incredibly grateful for my new job; I’m enjoying it immensely. I will be working evenings, so I am already missing dinners with the wifey, but am loving the nice trade-off—breakfasts. As an added bonus, I am spending my work day meeting wonderful people from so many countries. A consistent flow of new people to talk with—it’s like Christmas to me!

Autumn is making its presence known with each passing day here. We can now safely pack away the fans for they will surely not be needed again until spring. My plans to explore Central Park and its colors were put on hold by a cold rain today, but there will be another day. I noticed that they have started building the ice skating rinks for winter and that simply excites me. Although, cold it may be, this city is nothing short of magical during the winter months.

As the bundling up begins, I wish you peace this autumn season. Take time to sit and ponder the magnificent display of colors. Enjoy an extra moment of quiet or just one more sip of coffee; live today in wonder.

Change is in the air

Hello, wonderful people who read my blog. I'm busy training on my new job, so there hasn't been a lot of time for writing these last few weeks. All is beautiful here, I look forward to getting into my new routine and writing once again. I miss it! In the meantime, enjoy those first emerging colors of autumn and dig out those hoodies. Autumn is here, change is in the air, so let's dance. Namaste.

My Social Media Predicament

I am admittedly torn sometimes when it comes to social media. When I walk through the streets of Manhattan, and dodge other beings of the human species who haven’t looked up from their phones in three and half blocks, I tend to ponder this modern phenomenon more closely. I have vowed not to become one of those people, that we all know, who is against anything new-fangled; I want to stay in touch with the reality of life as it is in the present and be one of those 100 yr. olds who can still understand, appreciate, and communicate with a much younger generation.

With that being said, sometimes I want to take my computer, my phone, and any other form of electronic communication and chuck them in the Hudson River!  (Although, I couldn’t do that because I can’t stand polluting our waterways.) Of course, I’d go crazy in a matter of hours, because I love getting texts from the wifey telling me how her day is going or just reminding me that I am loved. I enjoy the pictures from the farm that my little sister randomly sends me. I also love getting instant updates on friends from New Zealand, South Korea, Scotland, and everywhere in between; it reminds that we are all interconnected.

For the most part, I keep what could be considered pure rubbish out of my newsfeeds. (Although there’s the argument that much of media is rubbish-focused.) I don’t care to know what the Kardashians had for breakfast, but I do want to know who we decided to bomb while I was sleeping. Whatever hairstyle Beyoncé chooses is fine by me, I need not be notified, but I do wish to stay informed of the Supreme Court’s rulings and how they affect our freedoms. It does not really matter to me which actor-actress-name-combo decided to call it quits, but matters of equality, in any form, are of great concern to me.

I also enjoy the exposure to ideas and concepts I wouldn’t have come across otherwise. Even ideas that, at first, seem foreign to me, cause me to stop and process what I think about such, and this, in turn, inspires growth within. Recently, and you may have seen it too, I’ve seen Harnaam Kaur’s story popping up around different news sites. You can read her full story here, which is beautiful, but the short version is that she has decided to live her life as she is—which happens to be a young girl with a beard that would make some men envious. After being suicidal through her youth because of constant bullying, she decided to embrace herself and use her voice to inspire others.

Social media comes into play in two ways here. First, and positively so, she is getting her story out. People who need someone to tell them that they are beautiful are hearing her story and are encouraged. I have no doubt that her story will save the lives of many who struggle with fitting in, if it has not already done so. She’s not telling people, I have a beard, therefore every woman should have a beard, but she is challenging us all to accept and love who we are, as well as questioning the idea behind social norms and constructs. I applaud her. 

The second way that social media comes into to play, and I see it far too often, is that it gives haters, for lack of a better word, a platform to spew hate. I also think it gives them a certain degree of false confidence because they can spew this hate in a safe zone from behind a keyboard. I was not surprised to see the continuum of others’ acceptance of a woman with a beard, but I would say that it caught me off-guard to read of the death threats that Harnaam Kaur has received. Death threats? Really? What is death-threat-worthy of a young girl with a beard?? You read a story about how a young girl has overcome suicidal thoughts and chosen to love herself as she is, and your first choice of action is to send her a death threat? It leaves me asking the question: what sort of person does this? But then again, I ask that question quite a lot these days….

With or without social media, we all have so much to learn about peace, compassion, acceptance, equality, and simply…..life. I was encouraged by the strength and wisdom of Harnaam Kaur; it opened my eyes to another soul's story and journey. Remember we’re all in this thing together. So for now, I’ll keep the Hudson as is, and post these thoughts through social media in hopes of making a small difference in this world.

Love yourself. Peace.

I think, therefore I write

I am a writer. I've always wanted to say that. I remember the first time I felt this overwhelming sense of pride in writing. I wrote a page (yes, just one page) for some school project called, "My Philosophy." I still have it tucked away in a random box somewhere. I was so proud of that piece.

Last year, I started a memoir. (which can be followed at leavinggodfindingme.blogspot.com) Actually, I started it two years prior, but then decided that I wasn't really a writer and deleted over fifty pages of work. I am sometimes a bit impulsive--to my detriment. Contrary to what you might believe from the title, it is not an effort to de-convert anyone. It doesn't matter to me what you believe. It is a desire, through the telling of my own journey, to encourage readers to explore life in all its facets and find their own place of peace. My journey led me out of religion and out of the closet, but many have found their peace in their chosen religions. This is cool. As long as we are actively pursuing being peace, I'll support you and cheer you on! 

I write because I have found my voice. I also discovered, while in college, that I was actually a decent writer. (Some may still argue that point, but such is life) I put off taking basic English classes because I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to pass. Whereas most people get ENG 101 & 102 out of the way during their first semesters, I waited until my fifth and sixth semesters! I have to laugh at myself sometimes. 

Being in New York has been an inspirational boost for my writing, and I am finding more and more ideas floating around in my head. Will I make millions? Probably not. (although I secretly dream of paying off student loans and buying a cottage in southern France) The important part is that I've found my voice, and I realized I have a story to tell. Yes, I found it much later in life than I would have liked to have found it, but that seems to be my modus operandi in life! The truth is that my voice and my story were already inside, I just had to discover them. So...what's your story?

The end; the beginning

Yesterday marked my last shift at the Bux I transferred in to from Kentucky. It was an odd day on many accounts. We were short one partner, so it made for a more chaotic shift than what I had anticipated, and at a certain point, I let frustration get the better of me. One of our retired regulars brought me a huge bouquet of flowers and wished me luck. For whatever reason, the events of the day sparked a memory.

A million years ago, when I first started working for the Bux, I spent much of my time as an opening shift supervisor. Yesterday, quite randomly, I remembered those early mornings and how I once felt. In the quietness of the morning, I would go outside and set up the umbrellas and tables for the day. At times, the early morning fog still hung in the air, and I still remember that crisp smell. I remembered that I once dreamed of opening a café outside the US, and I would think about this imagined café often as I opened the umbrellas and set each one purposefully in its place. I imagined how it would feel to open the umbrellas of my own café, presumably somewhere in France. I also imagined knowing many of the customers, in some random small village, by name and greeting them each morning. One of my main reasons for accepting the job at the Bux, way back when, was to learn the café industry in preparation for opening my own.

Yesterday, I realized that I'd forgotten. In the messy, corporate stench of this company (which was surely not the case way back when) I'd forgotten my love of the café experience. I'd forgotten what I love about coffee and a café is the connection--the human connection--that happens as souls come together in such a place. In the chaotic herding of people in and out, I'd forgotten my daydreams of those early mornings at The Summit.

I'm determined to regain this. Having worked at several locations, I don't know that this new one will be any different, but I can regain this feeling, this connection, within myself. I don't know if I'll ever own a café outside the US, and that's not really the point, but I can reconnect with the present moment while working here.

Because my life outside of work is filled with such happiness and peace, it has been easy to live for those times outside of the Bux, but I find myself challenged to take living in the present moment to my job, as well. I cannot simply practice living in the moment within those times that are already beautiful on their own accord--that's the easy part. I must also learn to rise above any on-the-job frustration, and find the beauty in those moments and connect with what is going on around me.

Although, I did not intend to be at the Bux for more than a few months after moving to New York, this is where I find myself today. And if I am honest, it has provided me the opportunity and the time I need to write, and for that, I must be truly grateful indeed.

"Cool, we're going through a tunnel!"

Yesterday, on the A sub home from Harlem, I watched in delight as twin boys, probably four-ish years old, experienced their very first sub ride. I knew this to be a fact because of the conversation happening between parents and sons as they entered the sub and found a seat. Luckily, I had a clear view of their faces.  They were visiting an older relative, also on the sub, and she appeared just as delighted as the boys about the whole experience. 

In an effort to make the jostling, noisy ride into the depths of the earth more adventurous than scary, the father was excitedly explaining how the sub worked, and the "really cool" anticipated tunnel we would soon be "zooming" through. As the doors closed, the two boys' eyes were big with excitement; they both wore a grin as they rattled off questions about what they were about to encounter. They were also beyond excited to see dinosaurs on the station wall as we started to move.(We were near the Museum of Natural History) As if planned, we were beside the D sub at this particular point and one of the boys waved passionately at all the the passengers in the sub next to us. 

As we left the station lights behind, the father's tactic worked. The boy sitting closest to his father yelled out, "Cool, we're going through a tunnel!" I even saw a small smile escape an older business man's lips who had been engrossed in his paper across the aisle.What a wonderful event to witness. I sat there and thought about it; yes, it really was cool.

That young boys' enthusiasm expresses how I feel about my life at this point. "Cool, I'm living in New York!" "Cool, I have found this Love I now call home!" "Cool, I'm married and we are so happy!" "Cool, I have found my place and my peace in this world." This life's adventures keep getting better. Yes, life has its uncertainties, but the fear of the unknown or the different should never keep us from experiencing the present moment.

Peace.

Change is in the air

Locals told me to get ready; I was expecting a scorching hot August. It has been relatively mild, save a few days, a pleasant change from the sticky summers of Louisville. We may yet have our own bout with humidity, but as of yet it has been beautiful. It’s August! It's New York. Wow. We've been here for simply ages now. The last two mornings have been a bit chilly even. You know what’s just around the corner….

Some changes are in the works here. At the end of the month, I’m transferring to a new Bux. I'll be honest, I had not intended on being at the Bux for another year, but it is what it is, I guess. It has allowed me more time to write and taught me a lot about contentment and patience, so I'm grateful. After last winter's one mile walking-commute through the snow, I've decided to shorten my commute just in case (I'm there forever). I'll also feel as if I'm in New York, whereas my current location doesn't feel as such. (Sometimes comically/frighteningly so...bring on the NASCAR bumper stickers) An added bonus to my transfer is that my new store will be in the area of the PFLAG meetings I mentioned a few months ago. It will be easier to start to feel a part of the community.

I have recently started teaching ESL (as a volunteer) for an African refugee organization in Harlem. It is both challenging and rewarding. I've been introduced to such a beautiful group of volunteers and students. It challenges me personally, since I’m sometimes prone to second-guess my own abilities to teach ESL effectively. The practice is good for me and I sincerely hope I can help these beautiful souls adjust to their new life here. The range is great. I have, so far, worked with women who are working on their citizenship test, but also those who are just learning to the alphabet. I am reminded, once again, how much I often take for granted, and I am encouraged by their determination and their dreams.

I continue to write and we continue to love our new life here. My wonderful wifey has jumped into life here with both feet and is active with school organizations, work, cycling, and whatever else she finds to do! The Academic Dean at JCTC said it best, she certainly is a “force to be reckoned with!” Her compassionate heart flourishes here, and I am more grateful every day for this force of nature in my life. Those who know her are better for it, for she pulls out a greatness from within, the likes of which you never knew existed. 

Buddha and a six pack of Leinenkugel's

I love it when life drives home a point. Upon seeing my frustration concerning my lack of accomplishment on my to-do list of reading, writing, and french, my wise wifey reminded me to focus on one thing versus the forty things I was currently trying to focus on each day. Unaware of my slow slide back into the hamster wheel mindset, I was writing in my head while reading, thinking of French while writing, blah, blah, blah, blah...and not doing any of these things well. Two weeks of feeling as if progress was eluding me, was soon replaced with a productive mindset once again. She's one smart cookie, that wifey of mine, and I'm more grateful every day.

In part of my catch-up readings, Shambhala Sun, I saw clearly, how my life had quickly cluttered, and I could feel it in my level of exhaustion. It's time to slow down and be in the present moment once again. I am always so shocked at the clarity of mind that sweeps in once I slow myself down...again. Had I rushed through a checklist, not taking the time to let my readings sink in, I would have missed such beautiful words to live by.

There is a video that went viral a few months ago, (I haven't seen it yet) of Professor George Saunders convocation speech at Syracuse University. In his speech, he spoke of kindness. In May's edition, (I told you I was behind!) he is interviewed in-depth. Because I was so moved my his words, I'll share some of them with you here. Forgive the length, but it is certainly worthy of some thought.

A longtime Western Buddhist was meeting with a famous old lama for the last time. The master beckoned the student to approach. The student cam close, figuring he was going to receive the master's pithiest and most secret instruction. The master whispered his final teaching: "Be kind."

SS: Many people fee that we live in a dangerous world, and we can't afford to let our guard down.

GS: ...people say to me, in general I agree with you about kindness, but what about Hitler, what about terrorists? I think we've been misled...by this idea that we always have to be girding our loins for the next big showdown with somebody or other... Ninety-nine percent of the time if you just do your best to be kind, you're better off. It's the basic things, like trying to have good manners, keeping your assumptions about the other person a little open, being willing to revise your opinion. The times when you're asked to do something about Hitler are pretty few and far between. 

I keep in mind that quote from The Philadelphia Story: "The time to make up your mind about other people is never."

SS: Perhaps it's all a self-fulfilled prophecy. We live in an unkind world because we believe it's an unkind world. 

GS: ...if you go out into the world ready for confrontation, then confrontations find you. If you go out with a sort of diffusing energy, the world reads that and feels more friendly toward you. So I think there's a circular effect.

Nobody's the boss and the situation is unstable. There's no fixed point. When I think of life that way, it sums up the proper level of mercy and tolerance. We really don't know what's going on, so our feeling of sympathy or empathy is related to our mutual lostness. [interconnectedness]

Yesterday, this was exemplified. Even though I am often fed-up with corporate America, I do truly enjoy (most of) the customers that I see on a regular basis. One such customer exemplified this connectedness by bringing me a six pack of Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat yesterday. I talk with him and his friends regularly and I enjoy finding connection points with my customers. Our connection point happens to be beer. As I thanked him and told him I appreciate the kind thought, he said he tries to find ways of showing kindness to those with whom he crosses paths. These simply choices make the difference; this is what it's all about.

Cheers!

Choices

As a proud, card carrying member of the New York Public Library, I usually spend at least a few moments among her aisles each weekend. My recent visit led to an interesting conversation with the ancient security guard at the exit. (She is very diligent in her duties, and I shudder to think what her course of action might be should she run across a book that wasn't on the receipt!)

I was wearing my Love Conquers Hate human rights campaign t-shirt, and she read my shirt aloud as she check my backpack and my receipt. She then asked, "You know how you do that?" For whatever reason, I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "Yes, one choice at a time," I answered. Even as the words came out of my mouth, I thought wow, that's a pretty good answer on the spot! She apparently agreed with my self-assessment; she smiled, handed me my backpack, and said, "Now, that's a good answer."

Even small choices affect our lives and the lives around us.

“Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.
'I don't know,' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.”
(Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland)

I want to go towards love and peace for all peoples. Let's start there.

Peace to you!

Space Enough

A beautiful, albeit hot and humid, few weeks have transpired since my last blog. I must confess that I find it hard sometimes to organize all my thoughts and get them down on paper computer screen. I am writing more, which is a wonderful feeling for me, but my scattered brain is living in full blown crazy-town at the moment. Luckily, it is not the crazy-town as in what the hell am I doing here? It's the other one...you know...the I am beautifully overwhelmed by this amazing thing called life. Between writing, working, exploring, reading, studying french, and enjoying married life, I sleep well and laugh often.

Last Sunday we went in search of a quiet, sunny spot on the upper side of Central Park. The day did not disappoint--truthfully, few days disappoint in our little city. While the lower portion of Central Park is filled with a billion tourists, magicians, and over priced food, ($3 for ONE churro! --no thanks) the upper section is quiet, peaceful and perfect for a lazy Sunday afternoon. And then a comical event occurred. Imagine this massive hilly field peppered with huge trees throwing shady spots throughout. There were others about, but we had given the space of at least fifty feet between the next. We had silently agreed to allow each their own little world for the day. The wifey was half asleep and I was reading (or perhaps butchering) Le Petit Prince aloud. Over the top of the hill comes a family. They apparently did not read the silent agreement for tranquil spaces and proceeded to set up camp  about five feet from us! Perhaps they were just tired and needed to rest in the shade of our tree before going on to their destination; I would certainly share a moment of rest. While wondering about the odd predicament, I found myself dodging a scooter as one of the smaller children zoomed down towards the bottom of the hill. I knew it was time for us to move on to greener pastures when they brought out their radio; This was no pit stop, they had moved in to stay!

I wanted to get angry by the lack of consideration, but to do so would have thrown an air of negativity into an otherwise magnificent day. So, we packed up our homestead for the day and went in search of another spot. Our second spot was just as beautiful and peaceful, so we found ourselves enjoying, not one, but two, views and atmospheres for the day. It's funny as I think of it. I realized that I could choose the atmosphere of the rest of our day. Life is like that. There are many unexpected, and yes, even irritating, things that are thrown at us every day, but it is ultimately up to us how they affect our mood.

Peace.

Six months and counting

It sometimes seems as if we moved yesterday, but then again it seems as if we've been here for years. I am not at all sure when someone can properly call themselves a New Yorker, but we are here body and soul. (Perhaps it is a magical number of cycling delivery persons successfully dodged; if so, I look forward to balloons and confetti dropping from the sky soon)

Some observations thus far:

- We love it here. This came as no surprise to either of us. This city is like a drug, and the inspiration just seeps into my very soul.

- Avoid Time Square whenever possible. We were already doing this on our pre-visits, so certainly not a problem. We are comfortable being the cafe-bookshop-park kind of people; we don't even own a television, why would we want to hang out on a street that has a gazillion of them?

- Glasses are handy. I have had many near misses of fingers to the eyeballs, as tourists point at every single tall building in the city. I love it though. It is a wonderful feeling to live in that city.

- Stop and take pictures for tourists. Perhaps this is the New York version of stop and smell the roses. I am not that busy or important that I can't stop and take someone's picture in front of which ever building or monument they so choose. It is called human connections, and it's good for the soul. Besides, this is our city now, so I want to leave a good impression.

- Get in front of the mob of tourists waiting at on the curb. I've learned this from watching seasoned New Yorkers. You see, New Yorkers cross the street when they coast is clear, not necessarily when the walk sign appears. If you want to run with the big dogs, (and not get trapped behind the group following the multi-colored umbrella) you get to the edge of that street, and ready, set, dart! Now you're going places, literally.

- The sunny side of the street has fewer tourists. (I'm guessing this will be the opposite in the winter.) After elbowing my way through two shady blocks, I realized the lopsidedness of the situation. Win for me.

- Find a place you love and go there often to refresh your soul. I'm discovering new spots every week that make me stop and breathe, but I already have a few favorites in hand. Whether I'm enjoying a cappuccino, reading a book, writing, or just being for a moment, I am a better version of me when I slow down and breathe.

It seems odd that we've come to the city that never sleeps to learn to slow down and be present. Our life is simple and yet full of goodness, laughter, and love. (I cannot even express how much I adore being married to this amazing soul I call home!) The wife has many wonderful opportunities on her college horizon; the book project that I am working on is challenging, rewarding, frustrating, and beautiful. (leavinggodfindingme.blogspot.com) I am loving it and I am loving what it is doing in me.

Peace to everyone, everywhere.

This week has flown; this week has crawled...

...but this week has been brilliantly beautiful in spite of a pesky toothache. Because I've had dental problems, well...basically since before I was born, I'm familiar with the routine, so this week has been a waiting game for a Monday afternoon appointment that was canceled on Sunday due to a family emergency. Luckily, I stumbled upon a wonderful dental clinic in the area and am now pain-free. (and will proceed to blame all typos in this post on pain meds)

On the flying side of the week, one of my wonderful sister-n-laws experienced NYC this week or I should say NYC experienced the wonderful Nancy! It has been such an adventure to have her visit. She's missed already and we considered hiding all of her belongings in an attempt to force her to stay. I am so grateful to walk this journey with my most wonderful wife, which means I also have the joy of getting to know three lovely sister-n-laws. This week we've laughed, explored, experienced the uncles' general awesomeness, and walked a million miles; It has reminded me, anew, how incredibly lucky I am.

This weekend held another big adventure for me. In spite of the pesky toothache, I attended a PFLAG meeting on Sunday. Having never actually been a part of an LGBT group of any sorts, I was unsure of what to expect; I was unprepared for the level of kindness and beauty that confronted me. I am not usually emotional, but the human goodness I felt in this meeting was enough to move me greatly. It is hard to say what moved me more, the mother who sits at Pride Parades with a sign that reads, I love my gay son, the sixty-plus year old woman who was there for answers because she's just coming to terms with her sexuality, or the transgender woman who so beautifully told her story from tormented jock to happy and fulfilled business woman of today.

I left feeling as if I'd been refreshed and challenged to make this world a safer place for all. In this place of peace and safety, people had felt comfortable sharing their stories with others. I left with an excitement about the sheer goodness that still exists in the world. I also realized, once again, how grateful I am for my parents' acceptance and love for me, my wife, and my new extended family. So many LGBT individuals never receive this acceptance. Pop never fails to ask about the girls (aka my wife's sisters) and mom and pop's home and heart are always open to them. I owe so much of my outlook on life to my parents' beautiful love for all humanity and their sincerity in the expression of such.

I am excited about this new avenue of hope; by volunteering and sharing our story with others, I can be an extension of my parents' example of love and acceptance. I have been given much in this life in terms of love, and it is the very least I can do to share that love and kindness with others. Always.

Johnny the Charmer

The sign reads: best food in the city - you be the judge. Today was the day. The wifey needed an afternoon break from a final exam essay, so off we went just around the corner from our tiny space to meet one of our eight million neighbors--Johnny the Charmer, as we now know. 

The smell alone is enough to beckon anyone with a nose, but the cheerful, bearded guy inside the food cart--the one who always yells out hello and gives a big wave--is a charmer indeed. As he made our falafel and rice (which was truly delicious) he gave us his philosophy on life at no charge. (but the secret ingredient in his rice stayed a secret)

His philosophy: Good food makes all the difference. If you are having a bad day, but you eat good food, it will make your day better. Good food gives you a certain kind of glow and makes you happy. If it is cold day, and you eat good food, you'll feel warmer. Likewise, if it is an extremely hot day, and you eat good food, the day seems cooler and more enjoyable. The world is happier when good food is involved.

It was a beautiful, peaceful day in our little corner of the world, so I can't fault his philosophy there!

If we all sent out as much cheerful energy as Johnny the Charmer....

Let it be so. Peace.

A Kiss and a Prayer (I am Michael Sam)

There's a Facebook thing going around that shows Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend after being drafted into the NFL and Tim Tebow kneeling in prayer. The post readsYou know America is in trouble when we celebrate this (the kiss) and mock this (the prayer). I can't adequately describe how much this has bothered me since seeing it, so much so, that I woke up thinking about it several times throughout the night. I don't even know that I can adequately articulate all that bothers me about this post and why it saddens and disappoints me so deeply. I am also unsure, if you truly stand behind the sentiment of this post, that there is anything that I can say that would help you see life from any different perspective than your own. 

First, if you truly believe that I am the reason that America is in trouble, then...I'm not sure I know what to say. Now you may say that you don't mean this as a personal slam to me, but, you see, I am Michael Sam, my wife is Michael Sam, and what you don't realize is that YOU are Michael Sam as well. Everyone one of us desires the freedom to live, love, and pursue a happy and peaceful life. We are all more alike than we are different, and we do not have the right to dictate how others' peaceful life should look. I didn't always realize this, and sadly, I've heaped a lot of judgments due to my lack of understanding and personal insecurities.

Second, yeah, it hurts. Okay, I said it. I personally think the kiss has taken on a life of its own and has distracted from Sam's actually talent, but I also see the significance of the first openly gay man drafted into the NFL and his open, and I might add beautiful, celebration of such. In many situations, we can, and do, still lose jobs because of who we are and who we love. It has taken me an extremely long time to be at peace with the fact that I am gay, and I intend to work towards a peaceful society that allows everyone to be who they are. This includes Tim Tebow and this includes you.

I don't endorse the mockery of Tebow. I wouldn't even know Tim Tebow if he knocked on my door today, but he has the right to believe how he chooses. It is all too easy to jab at the expression of personal beliefs instead of true dialogue about concerns and differences. I have been guilty of this, and I am trying to rise above such playground tactics as bullying those who are not like me. Be clear also, that Tim Tebow has the long-held freedom to express his religious beliefs, whereas Michael Sam has not always held the freedom to express who he is, not just his beliefs. So it is in this progress of freedom that we celebrate, not simply a same-sex kiss. (And in the name of logic, a huge portion of lgbtq that I know personally would celebrate both the kiss and the knee knelt in prayer!)

I will agree that we have some big troubles here in our nation, but my pursuit of a peaceful life with my wife is not one of them. Perhaps our troubles can be found in the the fact that corrupt money controls our politics, or that NFL players make so more than teachers, or that our prisons are for-profit while children on our soil go to bed hungry each night. We need more talk action about these issues that threaten to ruin the fabric of our society. We need more peaceful dialogue and understanding and that takes a lot of work and patience. 

I celebrate every single moment that I can proudly show affection to my wife without my life or hers being threatened. I celebrate your freedoms as well. May you be happy and at peace. 

Namaste.

(first published on Leaving God; Finding Me blog site, and obviously I gave myself permission to re-post!)

My Mom: The Guru of Motherhood

Happy Mothers’ Day from New York!  I’m quite a few miles away from my mom on this day, but it doesn't keep me from thinking about her and her incredible influence on my life; she (and pop) will have to accept part of the blame for who I am today! She’s a guru of the grandest kind, and she’s lived an exemplary life for all of us to follow, if we dare. She’s been an example to her children and to anyone who is lucky enough to know her. She needed no words; she taught us by her actions.

She taught us to live from our hearts. I’m not sure there’s ever been anything that she’s done halfheartedly. She has lived a life of simple, honest compassion before our very eyes. She has lived what she believes and she connects with those around her through love and understanding.

She taught us to love unconditionally. We've not always agreed on things, and I've made some less than intelligent decisions, but I have never doubted her love or support for me. Far too many children experience their parents’ love as a bargaining chip; not us…ever. Also, the love and acceptance mom and pop have shown my wife has been priceless to me.  My wife is my world and my family, and I’m forever grateful for their love towards her.

She taught us not to fear change. Over the past ten years, I've seen my mom adjust to a helluva lot of change, and she did it all in stride. As challenging and, no doubt painful, as some of those changes have been, she woke up every morning and did what she needed to do. She was never fearful to admit when she was wrong; if she saw something that needed to change, she changed it.

She taught us to enjoy life to the fullest. Mom has a saying: Love God and have a big time! She has always been one to squeeze every bit of enjoyment out of the moment. That passion for life is contagious, and it is with me even though miles apart. One of my fondest memories is awakening to her singing in the kitchen as she prepared for the day.

She taught us to be ourselves and to find what makes us happy. One of the final keys to my coming out was the fact that I knew my parents wanted me to be at peace, be happy, and be me. Ultimately, she wanted us to grow up kind and happy, and she has always supported us in the pursuit of such.

Today, I am happy and fulfilled, and I am grateful for my mom’s support and love. She has instilled in me the strength I need to be the change I wish to see in this world. My wife and I are so grateful to have such a soul in our corner, and we feel her constantly cheering us on.

Peace.

…and to those of who struggle on a day such as today because you have not experienced the mother’s love you deserve; know that if my mom met you, she would hug you and love you like you deserve. Peace to you.

Hashtag #wearebetterthanthis

It's been a long week. My brain is full, work has been hectic, and we had torrential downpours on Tuesday that soaked me to the bone. (Apparently, the 10th rainiest day in New York history) As usual, the highlight of my week is the few short evening hours stolen away with the love I now call home, who is currently up to her eyeballs in papers, projects, and end of semester work of her own. How I treasure those moments!

In a somewhat joking manner this week, I began hashtagging. I say jokingly, because I usually find them quite annoying, but as I read the latest nonsense that escaped Sarah Palin's lips, I said aloud, "we are so much better than this!" After I hashtagged #wearebetterthanthis, I couldn't stop thinking about this fact. We, as United States of Americans (a pet peeve, I'll admit, because you do know we are not the only ones on this continent, right?), and as humans, in general, are so much better than what we often see portrayed in the spotlights.

We can be compassionate. I see small glimpses of it every day, but we've somehow forgotten that we truly are interconnected. Most major religions have some form of The Golden Rule, and I don't think they placed it in their sacred texts as filler text! This bully-ish, spiteful side of Americans that I see at times, makes me incredibly sad; surely we've not become that type of nation.

We can be accepting. I have always loved The New Colossus by Emma Lazarus that is engraved upon our Statue of Liberty. (Give me your tired, your poor....) Our diversity is one of our greatest attributes. I'd rather be a nation that is known for its acceptance of others than to be a nation that is known for its irrational fear of the brown people.

We can be loving. Oddly enough, the thought that came to mind is the greatest of these is love. Loving others, especially those with whom we disagree, can be difficult and it does take work. Let's take the time required to actually get to know people with differing cultures, viewpoints, and religions. It takes a greater strength, as an individual and as a nation, to choose love over fear or hate, the latter being the game of the small-minded.

We all have the capacity for greater things, but it is seriously time for us to grow up. Remember the myriad of things we hold in common and quit focusing solely on our differences. Let's live from the heart of humanity, and see where that takes us for awhile.

Namaste

Change of Heart and Car-less

I think it must have been that month in France a couple of summers ago that really did it. Driving used to be this therapeutic experience for me. In my younger years, when I was angry or needed to clear my head, I'd go for a drive; road trips were short little mini-vacations themselves, and my red mustang knew its own way to Orlando and Boca Raton. Once, I jumped in my jeep and drove to Washington DC for dinner! No big deal, it was only nine and a half hours.

Perhaps I finally grew tired of it after commuting forty-five minutes each way for over ten years, or maybe I started to realize how much our country is grossly dependent upon cars and the effects of such dependency on the world around us. Whatever the reason for this evolution of thought, I found myself completely and utterly content with tram systems, subways, high-speed trains, and my own two legs while in France. It was a true change of heart, and since that time, I've been discontent with my own dependency.

For the past four months, we've not been hindered in the least by living car-less. On the contrary, we actually enjoy not having one. (the baby car sold this week--we are officially car-less now!) Only once in the past four months have we actually needed a vehicle, and in this case, it was to transport a piece of furniture that wouldn't have fit in our baby car anyway! (Grateful, once again, to a kindhearted uncle) Add to this the beautiful benefit of dinner in the city and not having to worry who will drive home, so, yes, thanks for asking, we'll both have another glass of wine.

Obviously, not everyone can practically function without a car, but it was important for us to give this a go. I had tried and failed in Louisville; anyone who has had to rely upon the TARC system knows how utterly discouraging this experience can be! Dealing with our own dependency on a car was not our main motivation behind moving to New York, but it was powerful factor in the decision making process. As with many things, it is simply not enough for us to talk about changing the mindset of the world in which we live; this time, it was important for us to actually be the change we want to see in this world.

It may seem like a small thing, and truthfully, it sometimes feels insignificant, but then I remember this, choose to go on, and do the best I can:

I am only one,

But still I am one.

I cannot do everything,

But still I can do something;

And because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

Peace to you!

Our Tiny Space

Our tiny space, our little corner of this city, our studio apartment is perfect in every way. As I make my way from the bus stop each day, I realize how lucky we are to have found it. Several had warned us not to get our hopes up when moving here. They'd ask our price range, then they'd laugh and tell us some variation of you better get used to a dump and some rats...as roommates. No worries, they'd say, it's just part of paying your dues to live in this city. We sincerely thought we'd have to settle for a bit.

A week after moving here, and camping out in the uncles' spare room, I found a listing that sounded promising, but because the rental competition here is so fierce, we were not prepared for the amount of paperwork required. We learned our lesson quickly. By the time we had the wonderful parents Fed-Ex three years of taxes returns, the apartment was leased and we were once again living at square one. (And so grateful for the kindness of the uncles.) No worries. I told myself that no one finds a place in New York that quickly. Don't be silly.

For the next month and a half, we spent almost every spare second looking for listings, walking neighborhoods, and meeting with agents. We must have walked a million miles. We checked out Harlem, the Bronx, and Sunnyside; some areas we loved and some we felt much safer after reaching the sub again. Some seemed hopeful, only to be leased out from under us or rejected because of our income bracket at the time. Once an agent called and before we could even finish our sub ride into the city to view the space, it was leased. Competition is fierce and I found myself second guessing our chances on more than one occasion.

All of these apartments we'd seen were much smaller than our current tiny space, (yes, it is possible) at the high end or beyond our price range, and dark, dingy, and shabby by comparison. On a whim, or perhaps out of desperation, I left a voice mail for the landlord we'd seen the first week. I don't think I was even expecting a return call, but the next day at work, she called! There was a spot open and we could see it that afternoon. Practically running to the bus stop after work, this time we were ready! As it turns out, this was even better than the previous apartment. Northeast corner of the building, top floor, beautiful view, plus all the added extras of location: quiet neighborhood, walking distance from the wifey's school, half-block to the bus, five minutes from the sub. I got nervous when the landlord reviewed our paper and said I wish you made more.  I assured her that I wished the same thing, but for now, this was reality. Bottom line: she liked us and we had a good connection; that made the difference.

The real bonus is that it is a small, beautiful, hardwood floored, well-kept, rat-free bldg (resident cat does his job well!) at the very bottom end of our price range--with no broker fee, I might add. Our landlord loves plants, so there are plants everywhere; it's a nice spot to come home to each day. It is a cozy  place where we can see ourselves staying until it is time to move into something a bit more house-y. (yes, I made that word up.)

As the morning sun shines through our huge windows and the tree shadows dance upon our still empty walls, I am grateful. Grateful for this move, grateful for my life, and grateful for our tiny space that we now call home.

Ciao!

Nothing specifically New York-ish but...

...I've become more aware of the interconnectedness of the all things since becoming a part of such an extraordinary mass of human beings. In the large scale churnings of such a magnificent place, I find myself contemplating many aspects of human interaction on all levels.

In this mindset, and with the passing of the seemingly hate-filled Fred Phelps this past week and the wide range of viewpoints surrounding his death, I've given much thought to the motivations behind such rage and hatred and the continuum of emotions. His life certainly did exemplify the extreme of such emotions towards a specific minority, but gratefully, I believe this extremism has benefited more than harmed the call to equality.

On a wider scale, I've also been giving much thought to compassionate responses to such hateful stances--those marked as extreme stances and also, those marked as less offensive (sarcasm intended). Many responses to Phelps' passing have been beautifully compassionate, especially coming from the LGBT community, and it has made me proud of my LGBT...family. You see, everyone loses when we retaliate; it simply snowballs into a more hate-filled society and fuels the misunderstandings, the fear, and the ignorance. We must choose, I must choose to be the one who says, "Enough." I must be the one to choose compassion and peace as a way of life. It reminds me of the idea I often see floating around social media: I said to myself "someone should do something about this," and then I realized that I am someone.

I admittedly falter in this choice of compassionate response at times; inequality hurts a real, living, breathing human being and hurt can trigger my anger. Lumping a group of people together and applying a one-size-fits-all judgment may help in casting judgments, but in truth, these are individual souls--a child, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a friend--just searching for happiness, love, and peace like any other being. In this particular topic, I've been both the judge (ashamedly) and the judged, therefore I hold an advantage of having experienced each mindset and its effects.

Spring is in the air; perhaps its a perfect time for all of us to reevaluate our judgments, our responses, our viewpoints, and our motivations in regards to our place in the family of humanity. Spring cleaning of the soul might lead to a refreshingly new approach towards all of our fellow beings just trying to make it in this journey called life.

Feelings of Spring in NYC

While the Love I now call home spent the day in the foreign lands of Brooklyn yesterday, I sat out on the hunt for a desperately needed pair of khakis and a new something to explore. I had exhausted all other options, so I took a deep breath and walked through the revolving door of Macy’s…yes, that one. My severe lack of shopping fervor and this eight floored mammoth don’t play nicely, and any survived trip to this colossal zoo is considered a roaring success.

I rewarded myself with a cappuccino from Keko's (thank you for the introduction, Tiffany) and a nice sunny hour in Madison Square Park. We've almost survived our first winter here, and I have a sneaking suspicion that springtime will be worth every single early morning trek in the bitter, snowy cold.

A collective sense of relief could be sensed in the droves of New Yorkers who were out and about today. The streets and the park was alive with activity. There were those enjoying a book, lunch, conversation, or simply the sunshine. Children were making their wobbly way towards the playground on tiny bikes with parents in tow. The air was filled with laughter coming from that direction as well.

Three months. I’m shocked when I realize we've been here only three months. Tom Wolfe once said, “One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.” I’d add to that: either one feels they belong to New York instantly or they don’t, in which case they may never feel it. Perhaps that is how it is with most places, but it seems surely the case here.

Ciao.

P.S. Last weekend we hosted our very first official visitors to NYC! It was exciting for us, and we were so pleased to show them a small bit of our little city. With time, we'll be better tour guides, but merci for letting us practice on you, Marie & Warren.

exploration en solo

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood today. The wifey has a new part time job, so I found myself exploring the city alone today. [insert a bit of a sad face here] My agenda was three-fold: A used bookstore by Union Square, the area surrounding the hotel chosen by our (first official) friends/visitors next weekend, and to locate the Whole Foods by Central Park.

First, I love riding the subway. Perhaps at some point it will become dull and monotonous, but each and every ride reminds me that we are really and truly living here. In addition, I am an avid fan of people watching. One thing in particular that stood out today, is how many adorable little older couples live in this city. I seldom take a trip anywhere by any means of transportation that I do not encounter these seemingly ancient couples.

At our bus stop today before we parted ways for work and the city, one such ancient couple exited the bus as we waited to get on. The man made his way through the crowded bus first and hopped off in front of us. As he did so, he yelled back into the bus, "ya coming, Pancake?" in a thick NY accent. As I looked onto the still crowded bus, here comes "pancake" making her way through the crowded aisle. "I'm coming, Pancake!" she answered back, as she ask for my arm to help her step off the bus. The last we saw of them, they were walking arm in arm up the sidewalk toward their destination. I don't know their story, but as we made our way onto the crowded bus, I thought to myself, "if we should be so lucky."

I found every spot on my agenda today, but my mind drifted back often to the ancient little couple and their cute interaction we had witnessed. I found myself aware of many other such older couples as I made my way through the city. They all seemed in their own little world, conversing with one another, and oblivious to the bustle around them. How beautiful it is to find someone who is willing to walk with you through this journey called life.

As for my agenda, I found the Mecca of used bookstores today: Strand. Priceless. I am also now semi-confident of the area and its offerings for next weekend's visitors. As for the Whole Foods...well, let's just say it was a zoo. The entire store was much busier than the bread aisle before a snowstorm, and I believe we'll be finding our health food elsewhere.

Married Life Suits Me

Ahhh, married life. A friend sent us a small little piece of décor that states, “I love us,” and I have to say that I couldn't have said it better myself. I love us in our tiny space with moving boxes for tables, I love us in our endless conversations, and I love us in the peaceful silence of just being together. All I thought I knew about love, happiness, and peace has been blown away by this Love I now call home—and now wifey.

I also love us in this city; I love that others around us see us as…well…as a legitimate us. I love that the girls at work threaten to tell my wife, when I won’t stop doing something in particular. I love that that customers ask about my wife’s school and our new “flat”. I love that we can file our taxes together and mark “spouse” on random forms. I didn't anticipate the true difference I would feel living in a city that legally and structurally acknowledges us. Our relationship, our love, our laughter, and our sheer enjoyment of one another’s company has not changed, except perhaps in growth, but it is a nice feeling to be acknowledged. I am truly grateful.

While my own feelings of peace are rapturous, my heart is heavy for my LGBT brothers and sisters in places such as Uganda, Russia, and unfortunately, I could add a few of our own United States to this list. I cannot imagine the terror or discouragement they feel. Because of the fear of violent discrimination, imprisonment, or in some cases, even death, they are not free to experience the us feeling that surrounds me every day.  As I am keenly aware of my own freedom in this aspect, I am also challenged to speak up for those, in all cases, whose voices have been silenced.

I wasn't always this free to be myself; having grown up in a society openly unaccepting of that which I felt I was, I understand, to a small degree, what the struggle feels like, although notably and gratefully without the elements of violence many of these now face. Many thoughts swirl in my head. It leaves me wondering what it might take for us to reach a point of nondiscrimination, nonviolence, and peace. Can WE reach a point where we can accept our diversity within the fabric of our interconnectedness?

A newbie mishap = A beautiful day

I’d like to think our accidental adventure of today happens to all New York newbies, but perhaps it’s only because I’m slightly crazy, and we tend to get so wrapped up in our adventures (and each other, to be honest) that we don’t always pay attention. Either option (and I’d prefer not to know which one you think fits us) provided a day of fascinating views, peace-filled moments, and sacred laughs.

Note to self: In a city full of bridges, the first bridge you see upon exiting the subway is not always the bridge you've gone in search of.

Because a sunny, mid-fifties New York kind of day is not something to be wasted indoors, we decided to trek across the Brooklyn Bridge and soak up the splendor. A first time for both Brooklyn and its bridge, we decided to hop on the F Train, surface in Brooklyn, and walk back across to Manhattan. It would seem reasonable, in most cities, to head towards the end of the bridge easily seen from the subway exit, so without checking google map again, (my holy book since moving to the city) two city blocks, and across the bridge we go. But then again this is no ordinary city...

It was beautiful from the word go. It rose quickly above the streets and away we went across the East River. The massive beams and cables, The Statue of Liberty in the distance, the seemingly tiny people standing around Jane’s Carousel on the shore, and the “other” bridge west of where we stood. We even commented on the people walking on the bridge and added it to our mental checklist of things to do on sunny days. It was a spectacular walk and the structure of the tallest beams on the bridge reminded us of the Eiffel Tower and our trip to Paris.

Afterwards, as I stood in line for the restroom at a small café in Little Italy, something slowly dawned on me…….wait a minute; isn’t the Brooklyn Bridge stone? In a flash, images came back to me and it hit me; that “other” bridge was the Brooklyn Bridge! Like a mad woman laughing to myself, I texted M, while she waited for our cappuccinos: I think we were just on the Manhattan Bridge! Yes, folks we had indeed had a marvelous adventure, and the view was more than spectacular, but these awe inspiring moments rightfully belong to the Manhattan Bridge not the Brooklyn Bridge!

Such is the life of a newbie in the city. Not only do we have a wonderful day in our memories, we now have a story to go with it! After a walk through Chinatown, we headed home to our tiny space with hearts full of laughter and smiles. Our day turned out perfectly beautiful, and it just proves again that some of the most wonderful things happen accidentally along the way.

Some Observations Thus Far

Don’t misjudge the depth of a snow-melting-puddle. Like life in general, some things aren't always how they appear. And as in life, you’ll sometimes find this out by stepping in boldly only to be met with that cold, soggy feeling of instant wet socks. The walk home will feel a bit longer, but the lesson will stay with you. We live, we learn, and in my case, we go home and change our socks.

You are often met with the same attitude you portray. During our semester in France, and in spite of the stereotype of those rude French, we were met with exactly one stereotypical rude being; as it turns out, he was from San Francisco! So there. New Yorkers, as with many other human sentient beings on this planet, most often respond accordingly to the way in which they are approached. Encountering others in a genuine, patient, and kind manner will do wonders for your personal adventures in human interactions. Try it and see. 

A huge space with an excessive amount of things is not needed for contentment. Of course we all know this, but these last few weeks have been a good reminder to me. With most of our things still in storage at the farm, (thank you mom and pop!) and with the realization that many of these things in storage are out-of-the-question-too-large for our new little flat, (as one customer calls it) we've been again reminded that life is about love, relationships, and moments. Full stop. Bare walls echo our laughter, and we are reminded of our peace, contentment, and gratitude.

If the beautiful snow ever ceases and decides to melt we will be out exploring more. (We've had one of the snowiest winters on record thus far!) For now, a lot of work, a lot of résumés, and a lot of settling into our new routines. My brilliant wife has her hands full with school and honors program. Tonight we are celebrating our birthdays with the Uncles over pool, beers, burgers, and laughter by all. Oh, and did I happen to mention that we are loving our new life here? Peace.

City reflections

Two newbies in the midst of so many. The journey is breathtaking. The diversity here is everything we'd hoped it would be. We both smile knowingly at each other as we quietly count the different languages surrounding us on the subway. Our last ride? Six. Six beautiful languages filling the subway like sweet music. So good for our souls. I am constantly reminded of and moved by Emma Lazarus' New Colossus:

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame

Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name

Mother of Exiles...

yeah, I'm a nerd. So sue me.

We are settling in to our little corner of the world quite nicely; we cannot wait to put our own personality to work in decorating it. When I say little corner, I mean it. 200 sq. ft. to be exact. We adore it. We are learning to make use of every single, tiny space available; our mantra for this year will be multi-purpose, to say the least. It is a beautiful time of re-evaluating what we have, what we [absolutely] need, and what we can [most definitely] do without. Mostly, we are simply happy and peaceful. Married life suits me; I am absolutely and utterly enjoying every minute.

New Yorkers are really just beautifully diverse and pleasant people. (Of course, I realize that positive stereotypes are just as pointless as negative ones) I cannot quite put my finger on what it is exactly, but many of them have this....way about them. Of course we've met some of the jerk-ish variety--they are everywhere--but many, many people here have this sarcastic, friendly edge about them, they love to connect with others, and they really do look out for one another. They are edgy and honest. You don't have to wonder what they are thinking--they're about to tell you. I am loving the human interaction experiences; they are priceless.

Now that we are settled and not spending every waking moment focused on finding a place, we will get to know our city a little better. Are we happy we made the move? Yep. We wish you all peace and happiness. Namaste.

Reconnections

When I was a kid, I idolized my uncle. He was the coolest. I don't know how he was the coolest, and I don't remember when he became the coolest, but there he was, larger than life in my book. I didn't see him often; once, while he was away at college, mom took me to see him in a play. He was Snoopy, and although, I honestly don't know if I remember the actual play at this point, I do remember how thrilled I was to be there. (I think it also explains a certain fascination of Charlie Brown comics!)

I didn't see him much during the rest of my growing up years. It took a while for me to realize why, but I never stopped idolizing him. In short, I learned of people's sad tendency to disregard those, even family members, who don't fit their status quo. (This particular status quo was of a southern, religious, narrow-minded sort--but that is a topic for another time) I also learned that sometimes people have to leave a place to be able to find peace and happiness.

A cool thing happened in the midst of our relocation to NY; I reconnected with this incredible soul of an uncle and made a dent in all those missed years.  On second thought, there really is no replacing those missed years, but this re-connection has been a treasured experience for me.Yep, he is still cool in my book, and I'm certainly glad to know that I was a pretty good judge of character as a kid! Better yet, he's not only cool, but wise, compassionate, intelligent, and wickedly witty. He is a great force of positive energy in my life, and I'm so grateful to have the chance to know him once again.

Our new space….

Fifty days ago, we moved to New York. It felt longer; it felt shorter. Yesterday, we moved into our new space. It is tiny, I meant to say cozy, but the only thing that I’m not sure it will hold is our gratitude…because we feel a lot of that right now.

The uncles (our moving crew) said it: this place is perfect for us. It is so close to the public transportation that it practically IS a bus stop (and almost as small cozy!) We can be to the sub in 5 minutes and then bee-line it into the city on the F train. What’s even better? We found the place without an agent which saved us a bundle; we’re on the top, back (aka: away from traffic noise) corner of a small complex with two sunrise-facing windows, a massive tree right outside, and a swell little view of distant buildings. We’re close to everything, but just far enough away that peace and quiet is here when we desire. We discovered that our neighbor talks on the phone at an unusually loud volume, but it is so much quieter than I would have ever imagined a NY studio apartment.

I’m sitting here listening to the becoming-ever-so-familiar popping/hissing/pinging of the steam heat. This strange noise makes me smile; I’m still not sure why. Perhaps it is because it seems so New York-ish. Perhaps it is because it makes me aware of the fact that we are here. Literally. Last spring, our relocation ambitions seemed so huge; I would think about the distance, figuratively, from where we were to where I could see us in the future, and the gap seemed daunting. Now here we sit, in our little corner of this fascinating, magical, inspirational, captivating city.

Fifty days ago, we moved to New York. 

a month into life in our new city

One month...and a few days. It's a quiet, rainy, sunny, snowy, but nevertheless, inspiring Saturday morning in our glorious new city. Not all has gone according to plan, but other events have far surpassed any plans we could have imagined.  We're still camped out in the spare bedroom of family good-natured-ness, while we learn that the apartment market in NYC is craz-i-ness for sure. Talk about life in the fast lane! Our agent called to show us a studio last week only to find out that it had been leased by another agent before we could even physically arrive at his office. Lightening fast! Still, we are getting closer...soon....

We've also learned that "cozy" is NYC slang for small-ass-tiny-practically-microscopic. But how we adore cozy little studios, so we're A-okay with this. (And our future guests will have to be fond of this--and us--as well!) We both share this conviction of one's responsibility to take up as little space/resources on this earth as possible, so we're excited by this idea. (As a side note, have you heard of the tiny house movement such as tumbleweed tiny houses? We are both fascinated and inspired by this concept, and I encourage you to check it out and give it some thought.)

Oh, and then there's the day we got married.....Oh yes, we did. January 10th. It was a beautiful, snowy morning. I've never been happier and more at peace with any decision in my entire life. I am beyond grateful for this beautiful soul--force of nature--and our life together. She gets me and still wanted to marry me. Yay me! I am truly home.  

I know New York is not the place for everyone, but it seems a beautiful fit for us. Overall, I love the people here; they have this invigorating sense about them that I find brilliant. The city itself carries a personality that makes one feel as though it is a real person, for lack of a better word. It is not just a place in which to live; it is an essence that one has an ongoing conversation with--an old friend who accepts you just as you are while pushing you to reach beyond yourself. 

Once we find and settle in to our cozy apartment, I'll try to communicate on a more regular basis. Keep your fingers crossed for us, please, on all accounts. Resumés are going out in record numbers. For now, peace to everyone and remember to slow down and enjoy the moments. 

Ciao, 

K Wimberley Casey