Operation De-Clutter/Simplify Update

It has been several months since I determined to de-clutter/simplify parts of my life that held a "too much" air about them. I'll say it has been a bit of an addictive experience, but one that has left me feeling lighter and healthier.

One of the most freeing venues of de-clutter was that of social media/technology. Obviously, ending my relationship with Facebook freed up a lot of time in my mind, and I have seen a drastic increase in my creativity as it pertains to writing. I did not realize the extent to which I'd become "mindless" in this area. For the first few weeks, on the bus to work, I would pull out my phone and look for my Facebook app before I would remember it was no longer there. It had become a mindless habit for me. That is not to cast judgment on the millions of Facebook users, but for me, for my journey, I was looking for a more mindful way to be present in my life.

Along those same lines, I de-cluttered the enormous amount of daily emails with which I was bombarded. Sales on this site, money for that cause, I found myself deleting 20+ emails every day without even opening them. I went on an unsubscribing spree and now I receive 5 emails a day from sites that truly matter to me or that I enjoy reading. I find myself looking forward to opening my inbox now that I have de-cluttered.

Also, when I write, I close all websites and email accounts and simply...write. It has surprised me! I did not understand how distracted I'd become. I have written more in the last two months, than over the last year.

Lastly, with respect to our highly connected society, I have started turning my phone off when I am out for the day enjoying the city, or the beach, or the woods with my wife. If it were not for the simple fact of sometimes needing access to my Bible (a.k.a. Google Map), I would now be content to even leave it at home. (This is coming from a person who once said she would get an implanted phone when they became available.) As my wife says wisely, "if it is an emergency, they should call 9-1-1."

I love being able to stay connected with the people I care about, but I have enjoyed this re-evaluation of my life and my desire to stay connected with the present moment. In doing so, I can have the peace of mind and contentment that makes me a more healthy and happier soul for those people I care about. In the end, that is a beautiful feeling.

Peace to you!

***As is my life, this blog is a work in progress. My desire is to facilitate constructive, respectful conversations about life and our collective journey towards peace and happiness. This has become an obsession.

Please add “your two cents worth” below, and feel free to share this blog. The more the merrier! Understanding ourselves helps us understand others—bringing us one step closer to attaining peace.***

 

Writer's Holiday

At this very moment there is the gentlest of rains falling outside our third story window. A cool breeze flows through our tiny space.  It is refreshing after the week of nineties. I was telling Pop last week that our tiny space feels like a tree house in summer; (I've always wanted to live in a tree house) as I sit here now, it seems I am nestled into the tree outside that has grown taller than our three story building by several feet. I cannot see the street below and the squirrels run along the branches in a way that leaves me envious of their talent.

I've been on vacation. My mind is restful. Because we've both been so busy this year with [our beautiful] life, we decided to ditch our plans for a fly-there-book-here-see-this vacation. Seriously, millions of people consider our little corner of the world the destination of their dreams, so it stands to reason that staying home could be just as rewarding as going somewhere else.

It was a wise decision. We spent time on the beach, (my wife's first time to play in the ocean--she's hooked) we relaxed in Central Park reading under a tree, we lost ourselves at The Met amongst the masterpieces, and even shared a day with the Uncles--an all too rare treat for us.

I've written. I've written a lot. We deemed this our writer's holiday. Writing has possessed me. When I am not writing, I think about writing. I'm struck by two notions. The first, is that of the story. Everyone has a story--a unique journey that has brought them to this exact moment. If we spent less time focusing on our differences, we'd understand that many of our stories, although unique, are actually quite similar in nature. We're all trying to find ourselves and our place in the world. Our journeys are marked by triumphs and mistakes along the way. No matter what color the skin or into what culture we've been born, we need someone to listen to our story.

The second notion builds upon the first. In my writings I've noticed a theme. I look for ways to give readers a glimpse of another's story as a way of lessen the gaps that divide us as humanity. It's cliche, but we all bleed--if we look with understanding eyes, I am convinced that we can see ourselves in the souls of another, be that good or bad at times. I've said it many times before, we are in this thing called life together. That's just the way it is.

I've also seen another theme slightly different than the first but similar. This theme comes in the form of a challenge to do whatever is in your heart to do in this life. Life will always have its challenges, but true contentment lies within the few who grasp happiness and choose to go after what they want in life. As my wife says, find your happiness and peace and then you are more equipped to help others find theirs.

Peace to you in your journey, my friend.

 "Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question "What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?" Marcus Aurelius - Meditations 

 ***As is my life, this blog is a work in progress; my desire is to facilitate constructive and respectful conversations about life and our collective journey towards peace. This has become an obsession.

 Please add "your two cents worth" below, and feel free to share this blog. The more the merrier! 

Understanding ourselves helps us understand others; therefore bringing us one step closer to attaining peace.***

Front burner/Back burner

Hiya! Sorry to have been a bit distant lately; it truly not you, it's me. I've been concentrating on my short story writing. A blogger said recently, that short stories are a beautiful way to hone your writing craft, and I'd have to say that's been accurate so far. The nice thing about writing is that you learn as much from your shortcomings and weaknesses as you do your successes. The quickest way to become a better writer is to fail and fail often; short stories provide the opportunity to do just that.

I'm happy to say I think I'm making progress! I just won second place (romance) in a short story submission and I'm so excited. As I scanned the email announcing the winners, I was quite shocked to see my name and my story. I hadn't expected to win--I must be honest. It has boosted my commitment to writing stories, hence my absence here. 

Thanks to all who have encouraged me along the way! Here's a link to the story if you have a moment to read it. I'd love to know what you think. Peace to each and everyone of you, and please follow your dreams. 

Collecting Experiences

It was meant to be a surprise, but since she is the one I love sharing with the most, it only stayed a surprise for a week at most. That was all I could stand before I let the secret out.  A weekend away----hiking, nature, peaceful enjoyment.

Catching the sub to Grand Central, we ate a quick breakfast in the city before we headed north to Cold Spring on the 9:45 train. A new experience as well, our first time on the Metro North felt more like a 1950s adventure. It was a beautiful start to a perfect weekend.

The rain came down as we headed north, and I began to doubt my choice of weekend for a hiking adventure, but soon after we arrived and checked in early to our B&B (another first time experience for both of us) the sun popped out and off we headed towards the Washburn Trail in the Hudson Highlands. After 13 miles, 6 hours, and a most spectacular view from Mt. Taurus, we found ourselves back at the B&B for a quick shower followed by a relaxing dinner at a local restaurant. As we soaked up the atmosphere on Main Street from the outside patio, we recounted the amazing sights and wonders of the day, and we were both aware of how much we love our simple life and journey together.

This weekend was planned with a simple concept in mind: never become so busy that we fail to experience life along the way. On the way to work a few months ago, I realized we'd lived here well over a year, and since our move in 2013 we'd talked about going hiking north of the city. It struck me then. I do not ever want to get to the point in our lives where we are living for someday. 

This mindset goes hand-in-hand with our fervent attempt to minimalize our lives. I recently read that the mini-storage industry in the US is a $22 million dollar industry. Think about that. We have larger houses, but we rent storage units to keep all of the crap that won't fit. In general, our lives are bigger and fuller than ever before, but are we happier? More fulfilled? I wonder.

I never want to lose sight of this. Yes, we plan and save for future aspirations, but I do not intend to have our life consist of a list of wishes we never experienced because we was too busy, too in debt, too scared, too [fill in the blank]. Our someday is today, and our lives should be filled with experiences not stuff. Let's live our lives in a way that adds to the collective contentment of our society. 

Living Intentionally, part 2 -- Small Choices

Because this topic continues to stir inside, I decided to add on to Living Intentionally, with or without a cow, in hopes of continuing this discussion. My focus here is not upon massive life-altering decisions, but feel free to go live amongst the forest creatures if this will bring you peace! For me, I love a good hike or a quiet weekend in the woods, but I also love our tiny corner in this magical little city we call home. With that being said, I want to live as intentionally as possible and make choices that are best for humanity and the earth that so graciously houses us.

We continue to awaken and grow in this area, and it is gratifying to see some of the changes from the me of ten years ago. Some I find comical and shake my head at myself and think, what were you thinking? This is all part of the awakening process, and hopefully, we will never stop growing, awakening, and becoming more intentional in the decisions we make.

As we have recently been downsizing our amount of clothing, and keeping only those things we really love, I remembered a comically horrid habit I used to have. (I might as well laugh at this one and be grateful I don't do this any longer) On many occasions, I would stay out with friends for an entire evening/night and simply go buy a new outfit for the next day's work. This would usually never be an outfit that I loved, but it would get me by until I went home on the following day. I can remember doing this sometimes two days in a row! My closet was full of clothes I would wear only once! Insane to think about, but yes, I did this. Now, as I have purposefully downsized my clothing selection to 35 pieces of clothing, (excluding my uniform, 2 coats, pajamas, and underwear) I just have to shake my head and laugh at the irresponsibility of this former, and might I add lazy, self. (Why 35 you ask? I was going for 33, but I cannot part with anything else at the moment.)

We also try to get the most use out of everything. Our home is not without any plastic, but when we must buy plastic, we reuse as much as possible, and recycle. Again, we've not gone extreme and built a couch and shelving unit out of plastic sandwich bags and wine bottles, but we try to purposefully and responsibly use the items we buy. Along this same line, we've switched to using cloth napkins. (My father will be proud; he loves cloth napkins) A simple decision, but I hope to save at least one tree in the process. 

I've just discovered that our bathroom has plenty light for showering without turning on the light! Apparently, I'm slow on the uptake sometimes. We have a nice size bathroom window and there is really no need to turn on the light while showering during the day. Again, this might sound like a silly choice, but when we put minutes/hours to this choice: 5 minute shower/30 days/12 months = 2.5 hours per month...30 hours per year of electricity. Okay, so by doing this simple choice, I've saved 30 hours of electricity per year, now you see the potential if millions made this simple change. (Please don't try this while shaving if you do not have adequate sunlight! I will not be held responsible.)

Lastly, (for today!) I've thought about the way I've changed my eating habits. In an article I read recently, the author points out that more than seventy percent of grain harvested in the world goes to feed livestock for the meat industry. (Read that last sentence again...think of world hunger) We have not (yet) gone completely vegetarian or vegan, but we are extremely close, the wife closer than I am I think. (Admittedly, I still love a good burger when we meet the uncles for pool in Astoria!) Compared to ten years ago, my habits in this area have completely changed; I ate meat almost every meal. Because I was so busy, many of these meals were eaten out, on the go, and with no real thought of this consequences of such decisions. Now, if we eat meat at all, it is at most once a month--a drastic change in attitude and habit. Also, the fact that we eat out less often than I once did, has saved us a bundle. For example, even tonight, we'd thought about going out for Indian food, but I've decided to cook here instead. I enjoy the experience of cooking new dishes, and we save a bundle of money that will be better used elsewhere. 

If you are interested in shaking your life up a bit, read the articles to which I've linked throughout this blog. At the very least, look at the small decisions in your life; are there areas you can change? I know there are many other areas in our daily existence that will change in the future. Let me hear about your ideas; dialogue about such issues are essential for seeing blind spots in our own lives. And please, if you decide to move to the woods, send me your address, or at least your GPS coordinates, we'll be sure and come visit in the near future. From our tiny corner, peace to you.

*Add your ideas or thoughts below, and feel free to share this blog with others. The more the merrier.

Living intentionally, with or without a cow

I’ve been struck by a notion. Actually, it is a process I’ve seen slowly arriving in my life.  I think both of us began this process separately even before we met, but now it is exciting to be taking this journey together. In my own life I’ve started calling it living intentionally. (I thought, for a few seconds, that I’d come up with that phrase on my own, but a quick Google search dashed these hopes.) This intentionality didn't come easily in all areas, and I still have room for growth and inspiration, but it has brought about  a life with fewer distractions and a deeper contentment.

Minimalism, downsizing, living off the grid, homesteading, tiny homes, sustainable living…all of these are huge buzz words right now. There’s a lot of information out there, but in one way or another, these outward expressions are simply manifestations of inward journeys. Many people, and I hope many more, are awakening to the fact that stuff does not equal happiness. Most of us know this in theory, but it is just so easy to buy into the culture of more. Sure, some will inevitably jump on the bandwagon just because fads are fads and people are people, but the lasting effects for those who continue this dance with living intentionally will be tremendous.

Some might say, “living without is not for me!” but that misses the point a bit. It’s not about depriving ourselves of stuff just for the sake of deprivation alone. That’s silly. It is about seeing the areas in which things and cultural expectations hold our strings as if we are puppets. It’s about asking who’s playing the music to which we’re dancing. It’s about living with awareness—living intentionally. 

Living intentionally doesn’t have to mean a hand-carved cabin, deep in the woods, with no electricity, using a compostable toilet, and milking your own cow. This way of life is heaven to some, but although I want to simplify my life, I’m pretty sure that we’ll not be going all pioneer homesteader in the near future. (Of course, we don’t drink milk, so the cow would be useless, but let it be written and known that I can milk and have milked cows in my lifetime.)

So I find myself asking, how can I live more intentionally today?

1. Be present. Yes, you know I couldn’t make this post without a Buddhism reference. At times, simply being present takes an intentionality like no other! Intentionally staying put in a moment that might seem uncomfortable, intentionally choosing gratitude especially when it is not the first thing that comes to mind, intentionally soaking in a moment of laughter and joy, these are all ways in which we become more mindful of this life and the universe around us.   

2 Make intentional, conscientious decisions. These can be large or small. Upon moving to New York, we chose to sell our car and commit to public transportation because it was important to us to reduce our part of the pollution in this world. That’s a pretty big deal and it is one of which I am proud, but I also try to focus on the small things, as well. We’ve made decisions to reduce excess—excess clothing, furniture, utensils, etc. There are many methods of doing this if you are interested. It’s also about every day type of things. When I sit down to eat breakfast and realize I’ve left the kitchen light on, I must make an intentional decision to get my lazy self up, walk all the way over there, and turn it off. Of course, I could tell myself, “I’ll just turn it off when I’m finished,” but to me, this is putting my personal convenience above the global good, if you will.

3. Intentionally add to collective peace and goodness. Let’s face it, there seems to be an ample supply of collective hate, unrest, and discord in our world. In my mind, it works as such: My individual acts of kindness, non-aggression, and patience may not appear to make much of a difference, but like coins in a jar, they add up. Several years ago, I decided to stop spending coins and save them. If something cost $4.01, I would break a five and throw the change in a jar at home. I kept this up for about three years. When an opportunity to spend a few weeks in England arose, I decided to reward my efforts and use my spare change, which I had not missed, and put some extra spending money in my pocket. When all the rolling and counting was finished, I was shocked and wonderfully surprised to find more than a little spending money! With change, I paid for the entire ticket to London and back! Those small, purposeful acts of kindness are similar—they add up to more than we can ever imagine, and we end up wonderfully surprised. Unfortunately, it seems this works for the negative as well, so diligence to peaceful ways is all the more important.

4. Choose to be intentionally me. This has been an essential key to my personally journey. When I became brave enough  tired enough ready to look inside and admit that I was not living true to myself, I had an intentional decision to make. Believe me when I tell you, there were times when I almost wished I could unsee that which I’d become aware. Sure, I was scared at times, too. But in those hours of contemplation, I knew that I couldn’t go back to the way things were and be happy. Going back would mean a commitment to an internal turmoil that I was not willing to make. When I choose to be true to myself, I also allow others to be true to themselves without judgments. I did not know how the future would turn out, but I knew I must chance it. Lucky for me, this intentional choice transformed into a beautiful life; had I not made a choice to go forward, life would have become quite unbearable and complicated.

Everyone has their own journey to walk and we are all looking to find that sweet spot in life. Whether you find your spot in homesteading and milking your own cow, downsizing, or simply making wiser—more mindful—decisions in this life, live intentionally, on purpose, with awareness. Start with being true to yourself and then take it from there. Peace to you in your journey.

A New Missing

Miami. As I sit here, I am becoming acutely aware of two things. I drastically miss my wife, and I am
a bit homesick for New York.

The first came as no surprise. I braced myself for it. She is the love I now call home, and I miss her every day while we simply go about our daily lives. The most perfect time of my day is when I see her again, whether it has been two hours or, because of our different schedules, eighteen. 

The second was a bit of a surprise. Not because I don't love living in New York, but because it hadn't dawned on me that I would actually miss it. You see, I've never lived in a place that I could say I actually miss when I'm away. I've missed people, my family and friends, but never really a place. (Although I miss France, but in a different way. And besides, I think I might have just been born with that condition!)

When I arrived on Sunday, I uber-ed myself over to South Beach. (My first uber experience, by the way, and I am a fan.) The ocean has a way of refreshing my soul, and it felt so wonderful to sink my toes in the sand. I stood on the edge of the water, letting each wave cover my ankles as I closed my eyes and just listened to the sounds of the universe. Afterwards, I walked along Lincoln Road, whiffed more than a few waves of second-hand marijuana, and took in the sights. Realizing I hadn't eaten since breakfast, I started searching. Two blocks up, I was greeted with a familiar sight of home. Shake Shack. The feeling that accompanied this sighting was the first realization of my homesickness. Of course, I had to go. 

As I sat drinking a cold Brooklyn brew and enjoying one of the best hamburgers I think I've had in my life, I smiled realizing my thoughts were in New York not Miami. I thought of the bench in Washington Square Park where I love to sit and read. It is just far enough away to silence the drummers who play on the south-side of the fountain, but close enough to the arch that I can still hear the grand-piano-man playing while I read.

I thought of the Highline and how it winds through the east side of the city above the streets. As with the rest of the city, each season transforms this walk into a fresh new wonder. Canal Street came to mind and the vendors that sell strange Chinese fruits that look like objects out of a child's imagination.

New York's unique sights and sounds have quickly become familiar and comforting to me, but they still hold such wonder and mystery. I'm hooked. It is a thrill to call it home. Many say that one must live in New York for years before they truly become a New Yorker, but I don't know if I agree. Once the city gets inside of you, no place else has the same effect.

One belongs to New York instantly.

One belongs to it as much in five minutes

as in five years. ~ Tom Wolfe

Seat 15A and Matters of Consequence

 I love flying. I love the little catch in my stomach during take-offs. It also never fails to put life into perspective. I was reading Le Petit Prince as my plane took off towards Miami this morning. If you’ll recall my last post, I mentioned matters of consequence. As we left the runway, thousands of houses  were quickly shrinking in size. I thought about the people inside those houses. I wondered about their lives. I wondered what they were doing this Sunday morning. Were these now tiny houses busy with grown-up matters of consequence? What are the matters of consequence that fill their lives? That fill my life? Are they matters that are genuinely of consequence or have I bought into society’s definition of what qualifies as important?

I’m in row 15A. Although the man sitting beside me is hogging the armrests, but I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose. It’s a nice window seat. Below me, is the ocean and the North Carolina coastline. Because I am travelling for business, I was informed that I was on the upgrade list. As it turns out, I didn’t get the upgrade, I guess too many people were headed to Miami this morning, so I’m left to fend for myself amongst the commoners. Poor me. In a mere four rows ahead of me, behind the magical blue, see-through curtain, lies the cabin from which I was rejected. I bet this cup of coffee would have tasted better; I bet my packaged gingersnap cookies would have had been more gingery, I bet life is just greener on the other side of that curtain….

Two rows ahead of me, there’s a little girl that has been singing since the beverage service. Not in an obnoxious-get-me-off-this-plane kind of way, but in a cute remember-when-I-was-a-kid kind of way.  It reminds me of another section of Le Petit Prince:

When you tell [grown-ups] that you have made a new friend, they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you, “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?” Instead, they demand: “How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make?” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.

If you were to say to the grown-ups: “I saw a beautiful house made of rosy brik, with geraniums in the windows and doves on the roof,” they would not be able to get any idea of that house at all. You would have to say to them: “I saw a house that cost $20,000.” Then they would exclaim: “Oh, what a pretty house that is!”

Matters of consequence, essential matters. Children singing, tiny houses spotting the shoreline, shadows of clouds resting upon the ocean’s surface, that ocean stretching as far as my eyes can see in all directions, a life I love and reasons to smile, a wife whom I carry in my heart always no matter where I go or what I am doing. Let’s be present today and make room in our lives for the genuine matters of consequence. Namaste.

Where the walking man leadeth...

A few minutes after my wife left for school, she called. Her advice was simple; "do yourself a favor this morning, go for a walk." Although I already felt myself in a semi-productive mode concerning matters of consequence*, or so I liked to think, I went downstairs, put our laundry in the washer, and followed my wife's advice.

I went nowhere specific;  I determined, when I arrived at the first corner, that I would go wherever there was a walking man. So I wandered up and down the streets of our quiet little neighborhood. The wash cycle is twenty-six minutes; I sat a timer on my phone and tucked it away in my jacket pocket. My intention was to be fully and wonderfully present wherever the walking man decided to lead.

I walked first this way, then that way, winding in all directions, humming nothing in particular. The temperature was ideal for a spring morning turn. The breeze was just right, like my wife had said. I noticed squirrels, pigeons, seagulls, and dogs; I smiled at babies, runners, old Jewish men, and tree trimmers. As I continued my meandering, my mind cleared and my body relaxed into the present. A rejuvenation happened with each casual step. 

My wife knows me well. She knows my brain gets stuck in high gear at times and needs a forced slow down. I am grateful to have such a soul in my life that will call me and remind me to come back to the present moment and just be. Sometimes it is in our best interest to stop what we are doing, bring ourselves back, and live intentionally in this very moment. 

*matters of consequence is taken from Le Petit Prince. (do yourself a favor and read it if you haven't) The pilot, who has crashed his plane in the desert, comes across a little prince who is from Asteroid 325.  One day, as the pilot is desperately trying to fix his plane, the little prince keeps asking why roses have thorns. Distracted and frustrated about the plane, the pilot shrugs off the prince's questions by saying he is "very busy with matters of consequence." The little prince chides this "grown up" mindset and questions the pilot's matters of consequence against the real matters of consequence which is, in essence, understanding this world in which we live.

Don't Run for the Bus

I'll admit it. New York is an odd and ironic spot on the map to have chosen to learn to slow down and simplify, but perhaps, it is precisely such a place that amplifies the unacknowledged mindset of empty busyness within so that it exposes the true need for deliberate action. Such an epicenter of motion and movement often churns up a hurried-ness, even when you are in no particular hurry!

After a few months of living here, I had fallen into the habit of running for the bus or sub. Now, this is not Louisville, where the next bus may or may not come by (or even stop) in the next ten or fifty minutes, this is Queens, New York, for goodness sake. I do not need to run for a bus! I can count the times on one hand that I have had to wait more than ten minutes for any sort of public transportation. Even if I work late and come home at some god-forsaken 3am, I only end up waiting twenty minutes for a bus. Most everyone here runs to catch the bus, sub, or air train. I asked myself one day, why am I running? I did not have an answer. I do not know why others are doing so, but I discovered I had fallen into this mindset without even thinking about it.

It is just as easy to fall into the societal trap of buying things we don't need. We have determined to simplify our life. We knew that we would be downsizing in order to move here. We went from a large two bedroom apartment with separate dining room and five closets (one of which was a huge walk-in) to a studio apartment with two small closets, and a sort-of-separate-alcove-kitchen-space. Although we'd only lived in our Louisville apartment for less than two years, we were surprised at how much stuff we'd collected. (Just ask mom and pop how much stuff we had since they so graciously let us keep it at the farm while we made our trek north.) We speak of it often now--we love our simplified life.

Slowing down, simplifying, minimizing, all of these come from an awareness that get more, be busier, strive continually, hurry up doesn't equal quality of life. And more often than not, this mindset seems to be the norm in our society, hindering us from having the time to examine our lives and recognize the faulty cycle into which we've fallen. And if we don't take the time to know who we are or where we going, being busy gets us nowhere; we are simply players in the proverbial rat race.

Below are some steps I have implemented, or are in the process of implementing, in order to reach a simpler, less distracted life. Whether or not you choose to simplify your life, give some thought to who you are, where you are going, and your level of happiness in your current state of mind. 

1. Less is indeed more -- this is the common sense stuff of simplifying. Plainly put, get rid of the stuff you don't need. (v. require because it is essential or very important) Each list will be different, but start with the sh*t you're already tripping over, and then just move on from there!

2. Give yourself space -- Just like the piles of treasures junk sitting in your garage, there are often piles and piles of junk cluttering our minds. Not to go all Buddhist on you, but meditation is the best way to clear up some space in your head and make way for creativity and clarity of thought. 

3. Don't jump off the bridge with your friends -- First, thanks, mom. I've become a much happier person as I've made choices that I've actually wanted to make. This includes giving yourself the freedom to say a kind and well-placed NO. Before you commit to something, even if it should sound like fun, make sure it is something you truly want to spend your time doing.  (Thanks for reminding me, wifey!) Don't do things because you think someone will think something about you if you don't. This is no longer middle school, and you have the right to make decisions that lead you to happiness. Many times we make decisions based upon others' opinions simply because we haven't taken the time to get to know us. As I have allowed myself the freedom to figure myself out, a new world of beauty and contentment has opened up for me. 

4. Stop running for the bus -- literally and figuratively. Thich Nhat Hanh says, "Smile, breathe, and slow down." So, Socrates meets Thich Nhat Hanh: Slow down and know thyself. This, in turn, adds to the collective peace of humanity and I think we can all agree that we need more of that!

5. Re-evaluate relationships -- I've recently given up Facebook. Now, don't get me wrong, I was a bit of a Facebook nerd, but having given it up, I realize that I want a more intentional relationship with people. This, undoubtedly, will mean fewer people in my non-Facebook friends list, but this is healthy for me. It has also made me realize that I want those intentional relationships with people who want an intentional relationship with me. I have uncovered a certain degree of OCD/unrealistic-view-of-loyalty when it comes to keeping in touch with people, and I've seen that it has become a true distraction in my ability to simply be present. 

The desired result is a more peaceful, less cluttered, more intentional life for myself and my wifey. With the slow down comes more time spent doing what we love: being together.

Happy Spring Indeed

A happy spring to you! Yesterday, the official first day of spring, surprised us with around three inches of snow! I'm guessing Winter didn't get the memo. Either that, or he decided to play one last joke on Spring while she wasn't looking. Good one, Ol' Man Winter, good one. Today is a balmy 51 degrees, so the remnants of the joke have taken the form of the slushy mess I'll trudge through on my way to work.

I was thinking about the process of change and spring yesterday. It has not been an incredibly difficult winter for us here this year, but there surely is something inspiring and beautiful about the feeling of renewal and life that is so evident this time of year. The anticipation of budding trees and flowers; the actual warmth you can feel from the sun even through still chilly temperatures, the longer days and sunny skies, all of these things add a sense of freshness to my life. It is a time of growth and inspiration, naturally and mentally.

Spring is a time that brings contemplation in me. I find myself so inspired by life and nature. It is a time wherein I easily find a greater depth of hope. I also think, and this is true with life as well, that the effects of spring are felt so much deeper because of the winter. Just as we all grow accustomed to that with which we are constantly surrounded, the change of seasons emphasizes the beauty of each. 

With life, as with spring, let's embrace the newness, the alive-ness, and the inspiration that awaits us. Yes, a cold snow might hit when we least expect it, but Spring comes in due time.

Rainy Day Magic

Truthfully, I was hoping for a sunny three-day weekend to celebrate the arrival of spring, but as today is the only sunny day, my wish was only one third fulfilled. Saturday was rainy and Sunday was overcast. To some this might have seemed dreary, but our city takes on a unique personality in the rain, and I am always pleasantly greeted with a new and fresh experience.

The streets are still busy, but now seemingly head-less bodies walk along under tiny huts of blue, red, black, green, multi-colored umbrellas only occasionally glancing up to see what puddles await them. For the most part, they pay no mind to the other huts coming from a different direction and as two corners make contact, the umbrellas spin and move on, never missing a beat. Only when a pack of tourists make their way down the avenue does this system fall to pieces. Trying to avoid the other huts along the way, you make out swerving and moving umbrellas and the attempted avoidance of others transforms the avenue into a momentary sea of chaos--the very thing the well-meaning tourists were trying to avoid.

As I sat in my regular spot against the window on Church Street, I watched this phenomenon occur time and again. I found it difficult to go back to my coffee and book. So yes, my sunny weekend in the city will have to wait, but as always, my magical city did not disappoint.

My Microcosm

Yesterday, in the break room at work, I noticed four distinct conversations going on at the same time. One in Arabic, French, Spanish, and English. At certain points, those who spoke more than one of these languages would suddenly jump into one of the other conversations and add their two cents worth, as it were. Contagious laughter would ensue and even those from the other conversations would join in to laugh because of those who were now laughing so hard.

Within this break down of languages, there are further groups of Muslims, Baptists, Catholics, Buddhists, and Non-religious, not to even mention gay or straight, yet we are one of the tightest and most supportive teams with which I've ever had the privilege of working. Last night, as we sprinted to handle issues that had been compounded because of snow and de-icing delays, our team kicked the spirit of cooperation to an honorably high level. Many of my coworkers had been awake for over 30 hours and you could see their faces drained of energy. With encouraging pats on the back when customers threatened our patience, to laughter and smiles when our tasks were nearing completion, we understood one simple concept: we were completely and utterly in this thing together. We faced a lot together last night, and we did it well.

We are all in this thing called life together. Let's start doing this thing called life together better. 

Namaste and peace to you.

An American in Paris

Normally, this is about our life here in New York, but perhaps our life in New York would not be a thing had we not met in French class and studied in France. Towards the end of our short semester we spent fifty-two hours in Paris. Fifty-two hours. So consider this a guest post by....me. Slightly off topic, but on my mind tonight.

As we talked in Montpellier, she said she might not go to Paris with the group. My heart dropped. This was not the plan! The excitement and anticipation I held about the upcoming weekend in Paris with her could not process this news. Lucky for me, she changed her mind, and we soon found ourselves on a train towards Paris speeding past fields of lavender and isolated stone villages. We were going to Paris. I would finally see the cities of my dreams with the one soul that I already knew I wanted to stay beside forever.

We'd been in France almost a month and we'd saved this trip until the end. Our studies were winding down; we left early Thursday morning and arrived in Paris by noon. We hit the ground running as it were. Because of expenses, our train ride home was Saturday afternoon. I had not imagined my debut encounter with Paris to be so brief, but this was it. We had fifty-two hours to get to know one another. 

After dropping our luggage at the hotel, we headed to those streets in which I'd longed to lose myself. Paris had provided a beautiful, but cool day to meander. The bicycle-lined streets, the colorful cafe awnings, the rod-iron, the stone structures that drew my eyes, they were all as I had imagined only brighter and clearer than my dreams.  As we made our way up the Rue Montmartre, I could hardly believe this dream had materialized. Later that day, as a friend of a friend so graciously gave us a tour of the Le Palais de Luxembourg, I could scarcely take it all in--the golden arched ceilings, Napoleon's throne, and the French senate meeting just behind those massive closed doors.

As breathtaking as all of this was, I was most anxious for the main event of our evening, the Eiffel Tower. It is funny to me that one of the most iconic symbols of this majestic city is one to which the French are said to hold no particular endearment. (Although, I think I've met just as many Frenchies who like it as who hate it, honestly.) I, on the other hand, had lived for this exact moment; and just like everything else in France had so easily done, it surpassed my expectations. 

As my now-wife-then-friend and I and talked on the grass under the Tower, I was acutely aware of the fact that this one of the happiest moments of my life. I think I was lucky to realize this in the actual moment; it made me want to freeze this moment and, in a way, I did, for it is still so vividly cherished. And then at ten o'clock, against the darkening sky, the tower lit up, and reflections danced in our eyes as we sat in silence taking in such a sight as I had never imagined. 

A perfect first day in Paris drew to an end with a midnight cruise on La Seine. The lights of Paris shown brightly on all sides as Edith Piaf's La Vie en Rose played in the background. Although I am not usually keen on such touristy events, I must admit I enjoyed every touristy second. This was a dream fulfilled; my heart was happy. The next morning we would be up early without a minute to spare. There were the majestic bridges that must be walked, Shakespeare and Company, Notre Dame, all of these wonders connected by random streets just as mysterious and powerful. There was to be another night spent on the lawn in front of the Eiffel Tower; this time we were more prepared with our own bottle of wine.

When you get the chance to spend time in a place that you love as much as I love France, it changes you forever. To a certain degree, it settles a restlessness within, but at the same time, it leaves a longing ache in its place. Being a bit of a gypsy-soul, I have traveled and experienced many places. I have appreciated all of them, even the ones in which I didn't particularly enjoy, but France left a permanent mark. A mark I shall cherish always.

America is my country and Paris is my hometown.

~ Gertrude Stein ~

Au Revoir to Facebook

It was more of a privacy issue than anything else, but I must admit...my first week without Facebook has actually been grand. Amongst other things, it has reminded me to simply be present. This is not such a grand revelation, but is has served to slow me down, relax my mind, and give me more time to ponder.

It had become more of a mindless habit, really. While sitting on the bus or the sub (when connection was available) I would scroll through my newsfeed and take a huge gulp out of the hydrant of information readily available. I had, at my disposal, a wide, wide range of topics with which to occupy my mind. Some would make me smile and laugh, such as my friends' adorable babies; some would make me sad, such as the many news-nerd updates on ISIL, genocides, climate change, or poverty-stricken countries that flooded my page, and some would make my blood completely boil over, such as people in this country, whom I cannot bring myself to even name on this blog! I had to laugh just now; even while writing that last sentence and thinking of these divisive, bully-ish few who refuse to play nice, I found myself typing harder and faster on my keyboard, riled up by the mere thought! 

With all that being said, I am not beginning a Facebook is Bad for Your Health Campaign. As you can tell, I have also not heaved my laptop out of the window and replaced it with a vintage Royal

typewriter. (Although I must confess I have dreamed of sitting in a small French cottage with the fresh Mediterranean breeze blowing through an open window across my fingers as I type away on a vintage Royal typewriter--with French keys, nonetheless, and the air filled with the steady contact of key to paper...ahhh, dreams.) Where was I? Ah, yes. I'll actually miss keeping in touch more frequently with some of my international friends. I will also miss the fact that several of my readers accessed my blogs through Facebook, but for me, it's a good thing for the moment. My soul feels refreshed.

With or without Facebook or the next best in social media, take time to still your mind and be present in your life. There is a peace that can only be found inside, but at times, it takes great courage to travel within ourselves and discover this peace. The journey is unique to each one of us, but it is a journey worthwhile. Namaste. 

*also please take the time to sign up for email updates to eight million plus two & leaving god finding me, if you wish to continue reading my blogs. If not, no worries. I'll still let you buy me a drink if we ever bump into each other in one country or another!

A snow day by any other name...

A snow day! I hadn’t imagined, when I took this new job, that I’d get a snow day. I’m thrilled. Yesterday, with blizzard-terror instilled in us all, I packed my backpack in a manner of which Brown Pop would be proud. We’d been told to come prepared to stay overnight, in case conditions got worse more quickly than predicted, and in case we needed to babysit hundreds of stranded passengers until flights were moving again. Thanks to the logic of the company, and the fact that they really do seem to put our safety as a top priority, the decision came from France: cancel all except the first flight out on Monday and all flights on Tuesday. Get the bulk of the employees home safely before public transportation shuts down.

And shut down it did. Most of us started our trek home around 5pm. I usually take a bus and then air train to work; I heard that the air train shut down about 7pm last night and the buses started shutting down around 9pm. By 11pm, the subway and trains shut down, and a curfew was put in place for all except emergency vehicles and snowplows. The mayor made sure to emphasize that food delivery bikes were not considered emergency vehicles in case some were unsure. (Although there’s now a conspiracy theory flying around about the Governor secretly keeping the subways running even though he told the city they were shutting down…pretty tricky of him, eh? For what reason? Who can figure...) The city is pretty creative when it comes to plows, by the way; with eight million people, you can imagine just how many garbage trucks this city uses. Many of those same garbage trucks become snowplows when the white stuff starts to fall. I'm impressed.

So now here we are cozied up in our tiny space, while the snow continues to fall, all warm and toasty; grateful for this life I now live. The blizzard fizzled out in our area leaving only 11-20 inches; that’s barely enough to cancel school up here! I’m sure they’ll joke about the little blizzard that wasn’t for weeks, but for now, I’ll soak up every second of my snow day and have another cup of coffee. 

A Year of Marriage

One year ago today, we were married. With the uncles as witnesses, and a beautiful snow falling, we made our way to the courthouse that Friday morning. I was as excited as I've ever been in my entire life.

First, I never thought I'd actually say that phrase in any context. Actually, both of us were pretty much set on not saying that phrase, and we were both mutually content with that decision until us came into existence.  No offense to my married friends, but the concept never seemed all that appealing to me to be frank. I was happy being an independent gypsy soul and so was M-. Now we are all the more happy being independent gypsy souls exploring this great big world...together.

Second, we now live in a state--and slowly a country--where we can actually say that phrase. There's been great progress towards equality this year. We weren't any more committed, happy, or in love on January 11, then we were on January 9, but I had never realized the impact of actually denying someone their right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, until I came out. Shame on me, for I had fallen into the trap of if it doesn't affect me it's not that important. Our marriage does not cause hurricanes or natural disasters, but it does gives me great peace of mind, legally, concerning our future pursuit of happiness. 

Third, It seems like yesterday and it seems like lifetimes. I've not known someone who gets me like M-. Period. We are connected in such a manner that is actually quite comical at times. We've had to start asking the other before we do certain things. For example, I've lost track of how many times we've both gone to the store on the same day and picked up the same thing....or done odd things around the house--on the same day--such as turning the mattress or cleaning the fridge. (we've done this more than a couple of times, which is hilarious when you think of it...) Our little lucky bamboo has been watered twice on the same day so many times that we've lost count. Luckily it is resilient and forgiving. 

Life has thrown me some unexpecteds along the way, as life normally does, but none compare to the joy of this unexpected force of nature that exploded into my life like fireworks in the dark of night. The glimmer in my eye? Yeah, that's her.

As we continue towards equality, I will strive to be more aware of the needs of others. Just because something doesn't affect me, does not mean it is not important and worthy of contemplation and change. We all deserve the right to pursue a happy and peaceful life; we all deserve to love and be loved in a healthy fashion ultimately adding to the collective peace and love in our world. I think we can all agree we need more of that in these days of unrest and violence. As I'll continue to say, we are all in this thing called life together. Happy Anniversary, M-, I love you more each day. Yeah, you're stuck with me.