Six months and counting

It sometimes seems as if we moved yesterday, but then again it seems as if we've been here for years. I am not at all sure when someone can properly call themselves a New Yorker, but we are here body and soul. (Perhaps it is a magical number of cycling delivery persons successfully dodged; if so, I look forward to balloons and confetti dropping from the sky soon)

Some observations thus far:

- We love it here. This came as no surprise to either of us. This city is like a drug, and the inspiration just seeps into my very soul.

- Avoid Time Square whenever possible. We were already doing this on our pre-visits, so certainly not a problem. We are comfortable being the cafe-bookshop-park kind of people; we don't even own a television, why would we want to hang out on a street that has a gazillion of them?

- Glasses are handy. I have had many near misses of fingers to the eyeballs, as tourists point at every single tall building in the city. I love it though. It is a wonderful feeling to live in that city.

- Stop and take pictures for tourists. Perhaps this is the New York version of stop and smell the roses. I am not that busy or important that I can't stop and take someone's picture in front of which ever building or monument they so choose. It is called human connections, and it's good for the soul. Besides, this is our city now, so I want to leave a good impression.

- Get in front of the mob of tourists waiting at on the curb. I've learned this from watching seasoned New Yorkers. You see, New Yorkers cross the street when they coast is clear, not necessarily when the walk sign appears. If you want to run with the big dogs, (and not get trapped behind the group following the multi-colored umbrella) you get to the edge of that street, and ready, set, dart! Now you're going places, literally.

- The sunny side of the street has fewer tourists. (I'm guessing this will be the opposite in the winter.) After elbowing my way through two shady blocks, I realized the lopsidedness of the situation. Win for me.

- Find a place you love and go there often to refresh your soul. I'm discovering new spots every week that make me stop and breathe, but I already have a few favorites in hand. Whether I'm enjoying a cappuccino, reading a book, writing, or just being for a moment, I am a better version of me when I slow down and breathe.

It seems odd that we've come to the city that never sleeps to learn to slow down and be present. Our life is simple and yet full of goodness, laughter, and love. (I cannot even express how much I adore being married to this amazing soul I call home!) The wife has many wonderful opportunities on her college horizon; the book project that I am working on is challenging, rewarding, frustrating, and beautiful. (leavinggodfindingme.blogspot.com) I am loving it and I am loving what it is doing in me.

Peace to everyone, everywhere.

This week has flown; this week has crawled...

...but this week has been brilliantly beautiful in spite of a pesky toothache. Because I've had dental problems, well...basically since before I was born, I'm familiar with the routine, so this week has been a waiting game for a Monday afternoon appointment that was canceled on Sunday due to a family emergency. Luckily, I stumbled upon a wonderful dental clinic in the area and am now pain-free. (and will proceed to blame all typos in this post on pain meds)

On the flying side of the week, one of my wonderful sister-n-laws experienced NYC this week or I should say NYC experienced the wonderful Nancy! It has been such an adventure to have her visit. She's missed already and we considered hiding all of her belongings in an attempt to force her to stay. I am so grateful to walk this journey with my most wonderful wife, which means I also have the joy of getting to know three lovely sister-n-laws. This week we've laughed, explored, experienced the uncles' general awesomeness, and walked a million miles; It has reminded me, anew, how incredibly lucky I am.

This weekend held another big adventure for me. In spite of the pesky toothache, I attended a PFLAG meeting on Sunday. Having never actually been a part of an LGBT group of any sorts, I was unsure of what to expect; I was unprepared for the level of kindness and beauty that confronted me. I am not usually emotional, but the human goodness I felt in this meeting was enough to move me greatly. It is hard to say what moved me more, the mother who sits at Pride Parades with a sign that reads, I love my gay son, the sixty-plus year old woman who was there for answers because she's just coming to terms with her sexuality, or the transgender woman who so beautifully told her story from tormented jock to happy and fulfilled business woman of today.

I left feeling as if I'd been refreshed and challenged to make this world a safer place for all. In this place of peace and safety, people had felt comfortable sharing their stories with others. I left with an excitement about the sheer goodness that still exists in the world. I also realized, once again, how grateful I am for my parents' acceptance and love for me, my wife, and my new extended family. So many LGBT individuals never receive this acceptance. Pop never fails to ask about the girls (aka my wife's sisters) and mom and pop's home and heart are always open to them. I owe so much of my outlook on life to my parents' beautiful love for all humanity and their sincerity in the expression of such.

I am excited about this new avenue of hope; by volunteering and sharing our story with others, I can be an extension of my parents' example of love and acceptance. I have been given much in this life in terms of love, and it is the very least I can do to share that love and kindness with others. Always.

Johnny the Charmer

The sign reads: best food in the city - you be the judge. Today was the day. The wifey needed an afternoon break from a final exam essay, so off we went just around the corner from our tiny space to meet one of our eight million neighbors--Johnny the Charmer, as we now know. 

The smell alone is enough to beckon anyone with a nose, but the cheerful, bearded guy inside the food cart--the one who always yells out hello and gives a big wave--is a charmer indeed. As he made our falafel and rice (which was truly delicious) he gave us his philosophy on life at no charge. (but the secret ingredient in his rice stayed a secret)

His philosophy: Good food makes all the difference. If you are having a bad day, but you eat good food, it will make your day better. Good food gives you a certain kind of glow and makes you happy. If it is cold day, and you eat good food, you'll feel warmer. Likewise, if it is an extremely hot day, and you eat good food, the day seems cooler and more enjoyable. The world is happier when good food is involved.

It was a beautiful, peaceful day in our little corner of the world, so I can't fault his philosophy there!

If we all sent out as much cheerful energy as Johnny the Charmer....

Let it be so. Peace.

A Kiss and a Prayer (I am Michael Sam)

There's a Facebook thing going around that shows Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend after being drafted into the NFL and Tim Tebow kneeling in prayer. The post readsYou know America is in trouble when we celebrate this (the kiss) and mock this (the prayer). I can't adequately describe how much this has bothered me since seeing it, so much so, that I woke up thinking about it several times throughout the night. I don't even know that I can adequately articulate all that bothers me about this post and why it saddens and disappoints me so deeply. I am also unsure, if you truly stand behind the sentiment of this post, that there is anything that I can say that would help you see life from any different perspective than your own. 

First, if you truly believe that I am the reason that America is in trouble, then...I'm not sure I know what to say. Now you may say that you don't mean this as a personal slam to me, but, you see, I am Michael Sam, my wife is Michael Sam, and what you don't realize is that YOU are Michael Sam as well. Everyone one of us desires the freedom to live, love, and pursue a happy and peaceful life. We are all more alike than we are different, and we do not have the right to dictate how others' peaceful life should look. I didn't always realize this, and sadly, I've heaped a lot of judgments due to my lack of understanding and personal insecurities.

Second, yeah, it hurts. Okay, I said it. I personally think the kiss has taken on a life of its own and has distracted from Sam's actually talent, but I also see the significance of the first openly gay man drafted into the NFL and his open, and I might add beautiful, celebration of such. In many situations, we can, and do, still lose jobs because of who we are and who we love. It has taken me an extremely long time to be at peace with the fact that I am gay, and I intend to work towards a peaceful society that allows everyone to be who they are. This includes Tim Tebow and this includes you.

I don't endorse the mockery of Tebow. I wouldn't even know Tim Tebow if he knocked on my door today, but he has the right to believe how he chooses. It is all too easy to jab at the expression of personal beliefs instead of true dialogue about concerns and differences. I have been guilty of this, and I am trying to rise above such playground tactics as bullying those who are not like me. Be clear also, that Tim Tebow has the long-held freedom to express his religious beliefs, whereas Michael Sam has not always held the freedom to express who he is, not just his beliefs. So it is in this progress of freedom that we celebrate, not simply a same-sex kiss. (And in the name of logic, a huge portion of lgbtq that I know personally would celebrate both the kiss and the knee knelt in prayer!)

I will agree that we have some big troubles here in our nation, but my pursuit of a peaceful life with my wife is not one of them. Perhaps our troubles can be found in the the fact that corrupt money controls our politics, or that NFL players make so more than teachers, or that our prisons are for-profit while children on our soil go to bed hungry each night. We need more talk action about these issues that threaten to ruin the fabric of our society. We need more peaceful dialogue and understanding and that takes a lot of work and patience. 

I celebrate every single moment that I can proudly show affection to my wife without my life or hers being threatened. I celebrate your freedoms as well. May you be happy and at peace. 

Namaste.

(first published on Leaving God; Finding Me blog site, and obviously I gave myself permission to re-post!)

My Mom: The Guru of Motherhood

Happy Mothers’ Day from New York!  I’m quite a few miles away from my mom on this day, but it doesn't keep me from thinking about her and her incredible influence on my life; she (and pop) will have to accept part of the blame for who I am today! She’s a guru of the grandest kind, and she’s lived an exemplary life for all of us to follow, if we dare. She’s been an example to her children and to anyone who is lucky enough to know her. She needed no words; she taught us by her actions.

She taught us to live from our hearts. I’m not sure there’s ever been anything that she’s done halfheartedly. She has lived a life of simple, honest compassion before our very eyes. She has lived what she believes and she connects with those around her through love and understanding.

She taught us to love unconditionally. We've not always agreed on things, and I've made some less than intelligent decisions, but I have never doubted her love or support for me. Far too many children experience their parents’ love as a bargaining chip; not us…ever. Also, the love and acceptance mom and pop have shown my wife has been priceless to me.  My wife is my world and my family, and I’m forever grateful for their love towards her.

She taught us not to fear change. Over the past ten years, I've seen my mom adjust to a helluva lot of change, and she did it all in stride. As challenging and, no doubt painful, as some of those changes have been, she woke up every morning and did what she needed to do. She was never fearful to admit when she was wrong; if she saw something that needed to change, she changed it.

She taught us to enjoy life to the fullest. Mom has a saying: Love God and have a big time! She has always been one to squeeze every bit of enjoyment out of the moment. That passion for life is contagious, and it is with me even though miles apart. One of my fondest memories is awakening to her singing in the kitchen as she prepared for the day.

She taught us to be ourselves and to find what makes us happy. One of the final keys to my coming out was the fact that I knew my parents wanted me to be at peace, be happy, and be me. Ultimately, she wanted us to grow up kind and happy, and she has always supported us in the pursuit of such.

Today, I am happy and fulfilled, and I am grateful for my mom’s support and love. She has instilled in me the strength I need to be the change I wish to see in this world. My wife and I are so grateful to have such a soul in our corner, and we feel her constantly cheering us on.

Peace.

…and to those of who struggle on a day such as today because you have not experienced the mother’s love you deserve; know that if my mom met you, she would hug you and love you like you deserve. Peace to you.

Hashtag #wearebetterthanthis

It's been a long week. My brain is full, work has been hectic, and we had torrential downpours on Tuesday that soaked me to the bone. (Apparently, the 10th rainiest day in New York history) As usual, the highlight of my week is the few short evening hours stolen away with the love I now call home, who is currently up to her eyeballs in papers, projects, and end of semester work of her own. How I treasure those moments!

In a somewhat joking manner this week, I began hashtagging. I say jokingly, because I usually find them quite annoying, but as I read the latest nonsense that escaped Sarah Palin's lips, I said aloud, "we are so much better than this!" After I hashtagged #wearebetterthanthis, I couldn't stop thinking about this fact. We, as United States of Americans (a pet peeve, I'll admit, because you do know we are not the only ones on this continent, right?), and as humans, in general, are so much better than what we often see portrayed in the spotlights.

We can be compassionate. I see small glimpses of it every day, but we've somehow forgotten that we truly are interconnected. Most major religions have some form of The Golden Rule, and I don't think they placed it in their sacred texts as filler text! This bully-ish, spiteful side of Americans that I see at times, makes me incredibly sad; surely we've not become that type of nation.

We can be accepting. I have always loved The New Colossus by Emma Lazarus that is engraved upon our Statue of Liberty. (Give me your tired, your poor....) Our diversity is one of our greatest attributes. I'd rather be a nation that is known for its acceptance of others than to be a nation that is known for its irrational fear of the brown people.

We can be loving. Oddly enough, the thought that came to mind is the greatest of these is love. Loving others, especially those with whom we disagree, can be difficult and it does take work. Let's take the time required to actually get to know people with differing cultures, viewpoints, and religions. It takes a greater strength, as an individual and as a nation, to choose love over fear or hate, the latter being the game of the small-minded.

We all have the capacity for greater things, but it is seriously time for us to grow up. Remember the myriad of things we hold in common and quit focusing solely on our differences. Let's live from the heart of humanity, and see where that takes us for awhile.

Namaste

Change of Heart and Car-less

I think it must have been that month in France a couple of summers ago that really did it. Driving used to be this therapeutic experience for me. In my younger years, when I was angry or needed to clear my head, I'd go for a drive; road trips were short little mini-vacations themselves, and my red mustang knew its own way to Orlando and Boca Raton. Once, I jumped in my jeep and drove to Washington DC for dinner! No big deal, it was only nine and a half hours.

Perhaps I finally grew tired of it after commuting forty-five minutes each way for over ten years, or maybe I started to realize how much our country is grossly dependent upon cars and the effects of such dependency on the world around us. Whatever the reason for this evolution of thought, I found myself completely and utterly content with tram systems, subways, high-speed trains, and my own two legs while in France. It was a true change of heart, and since that time, I've been discontent with my own dependency.

For the past four months, we've not been hindered in the least by living car-less. On the contrary, we actually enjoy not having one. (the baby car sold this week--we are officially car-less now!) Only once in the past four months have we actually needed a vehicle, and in this case, it was to transport a piece of furniture that wouldn't have fit in our baby car anyway! (Grateful, once again, to a kindhearted uncle) Add to this the beautiful benefit of dinner in the city and not having to worry who will drive home, so, yes, thanks for asking, we'll both have another glass of wine.

Obviously, not everyone can practically function without a car, but it was important for us to give this a go. I had tried and failed in Louisville; anyone who has had to rely upon the TARC system knows how utterly discouraging this experience can be! Dealing with our own dependency on a car was not our main motivation behind moving to New York, but it was powerful factor in the decision making process. As with many things, it is simply not enough for us to talk about changing the mindset of the world in which we live; this time, it was important for us to actually be the change we want to see in this world.

It may seem like a small thing, and truthfully, it sometimes feels insignificant, but then I remember this, choose to go on, and do the best I can:

I am only one,

But still I am one.

I cannot do everything,

But still I can do something;

And because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

Peace to you!