Buddha and a six pack of Leinenkugel's

I love it when life drives home a point. Upon seeing my frustration concerning my lack of accomplishment on my to-do list of reading, writing, and french, my wise wifey reminded me to focus on one thing versus the forty things I was currently trying to focus on each day. Unaware of my slow slide back into the hamster wheel mindset, I was writing in my head while reading, thinking of French while writing, blah, blah, blah, blah...and not doing any of these things well. Two weeks of feeling as if progress was eluding me, was soon replaced with a productive mindset once again. She's one smart cookie, that wifey of mine, and I'm more grateful every day.

In part of my catch-up readings, Shambhala Sun, I saw clearly, how my life had quickly cluttered, and I could feel it in my level of exhaustion. It's time to slow down and be in the present moment once again. I am always so shocked at the clarity of mind that sweeps in once I slow myself down...again. Had I rushed through a checklist, not taking the time to let my readings sink in, I would have missed such beautiful words to live by.

There is a video that went viral a few months ago, (I haven't seen it yet) of Professor George Saunders convocation speech at Syracuse University. In his speech, he spoke of kindness. In May's edition, (I told you I was behind!) he is interviewed in-depth. Because I was so moved my his words, I'll share some of them with you here. Forgive the length, but it is certainly worthy of some thought.

A longtime Western Buddhist was meeting with a famous old lama for the last time. The master beckoned the student to approach. The student cam close, figuring he was going to receive the master's pithiest and most secret instruction. The master whispered his final teaching: "Be kind."

SS: Many people fee that we live in a dangerous world, and we can't afford to let our guard down.

GS: ...people say to me, in general I agree with you about kindness, but what about Hitler, what about terrorists? I think we've been misled...by this idea that we always have to be girding our loins for the next big showdown with somebody or other... Ninety-nine percent of the time if you just do your best to be kind, you're better off. It's the basic things, like trying to have good manners, keeping your assumptions about the other person a little open, being willing to revise your opinion. The times when you're asked to do something about Hitler are pretty few and far between. 

I keep in mind that quote from The Philadelphia Story: "The time to make up your mind about other people is never."

SS: Perhaps it's all a self-fulfilled prophecy. We live in an unkind world because we believe it's an unkind world. 

GS: ...if you go out into the world ready for confrontation, then confrontations find you. If you go out with a sort of diffusing energy, the world reads that and feels more friendly toward you. So I think there's a circular effect.

Nobody's the boss and the situation is unstable. There's no fixed point. When I think of life that way, it sums up the proper level of mercy and tolerance. We really don't know what's going on, so our feeling of sympathy or empathy is related to our mutual lostness. [interconnectedness]

Yesterday, this was exemplified. Even though I am often fed-up with corporate America, I do truly enjoy (most of) the customers that I see on a regular basis. One such customer exemplified this connectedness by bringing me a six pack of Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat yesterday. I talk with him and his friends regularly and I enjoy finding connection points with my customers. Our connection point happens to be beer. As I thanked him and told him I appreciate the kind thought, he said he tries to find ways of showing kindness to those with whom he crosses paths. These simply choices make the difference; this is what it's all about.

Cheers!

Choices

As a proud, card carrying member of the New York Public Library, I usually spend at least a few moments among her aisles each weekend. My recent visit led to an interesting conversation with the ancient security guard at the exit. (She is very diligent in her duties, and I shudder to think what her course of action might be should she run across a book that wasn't on the receipt!)

I was wearing my Love Conquers Hate human rights campaign t-shirt, and she read my shirt aloud as she check my backpack and my receipt. She then asked, "You know how you do that?" For whatever reason, I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "Yes, one choice at a time," I answered. Even as the words came out of my mouth, I thought wow, that's a pretty good answer on the spot! She apparently agreed with my self-assessment; she smiled, handed me my backpack, and said, "Now, that's a good answer."

Even small choices affect our lives and the lives around us.

“Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.
'I don't know,' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.”
(Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland)

I want to go towards love and peace for all peoples. Let's start there.

Peace to you!

Space Enough

A beautiful, albeit hot and humid, few weeks have transpired since my last blog. I must confess that I find it hard sometimes to organize all my thoughts and get them down on paper computer screen. I am writing more, which is a wonderful feeling for me, but my scattered brain is living in full blown crazy-town at the moment. Luckily, it is not the crazy-town as in what the hell am I doing here? It's the other one...you know...the I am beautifully overwhelmed by this amazing thing called life. Between writing, working, exploring, reading, studying french, and enjoying married life, I sleep well and laugh often.

Last Sunday we went in search of a quiet, sunny spot on the upper side of Central Park. The day did not disappoint--truthfully, few days disappoint in our little city. While the lower portion of Central Park is filled with a billion tourists, magicians, and over priced food, ($3 for ONE churro! --no thanks) the upper section is quiet, peaceful and perfect for a lazy Sunday afternoon. And then a comical event occurred. Imagine this massive hilly field peppered with huge trees throwing shady spots throughout. There were others about, but we had given the space of at least fifty feet between the next. We had silently agreed to allow each their own little world for the day. The wifey was half asleep and I was reading (or perhaps butchering) Le Petit Prince aloud. Over the top of the hill comes a family. They apparently did not read the silent agreement for tranquil spaces and proceeded to set up camp  about five feet from us! Perhaps they were just tired and needed to rest in the shade of our tree before going on to their destination; I would certainly share a moment of rest. While wondering about the odd predicament, I found myself dodging a scooter as one of the smaller children zoomed down towards the bottom of the hill. I knew it was time for us to move on to greener pastures when they brought out their radio; This was no pit stop, they had moved in to stay!

I wanted to get angry by the lack of consideration, but to do so would have thrown an air of negativity into an otherwise magnificent day. So, we packed up our homestead for the day and went in search of another spot. Our second spot was just as beautiful and peaceful, so we found ourselves enjoying, not one, but two, views and atmospheres for the day. It's funny as I think of it. I realized that I could choose the atmosphere of the rest of our day. Life is like that. There are many unexpected, and yes, even irritating, things that are thrown at us every day, but it is ultimately up to us how they affect our mood.

Peace.

Six months and counting

It sometimes seems as if we moved yesterday, but then again it seems as if we've been here for years. I am not at all sure when someone can properly call themselves a New Yorker, but we are here body and soul. (Perhaps it is a magical number of cycling delivery persons successfully dodged; if so, I look forward to balloons and confetti dropping from the sky soon)

Some observations thus far:

- We love it here. This came as no surprise to either of us. This city is like a drug, and the inspiration just seeps into my very soul.

- Avoid Time Square whenever possible. We were already doing this on our pre-visits, so certainly not a problem. We are comfortable being the cafe-bookshop-park kind of people; we don't even own a television, why would we want to hang out on a street that has a gazillion of them?

- Glasses are handy. I have had many near misses of fingers to the eyeballs, as tourists point at every single tall building in the city. I love it though. It is a wonderful feeling to live in that city.

- Stop and take pictures for tourists. Perhaps this is the New York version of stop and smell the roses. I am not that busy or important that I can't stop and take someone's picture in front of which ever building or monument they so choose. It is called human connections, and it's good for the soul. Besides, this is our city now, so I want to leave a good impression.

- Get in front of the mob of tourists waiting at on the curb. I've learned this from watching seasoned New Yorkers. You see, New Yorkers cross the street when they coast is clear, not necessarily when the walk sign appears. If you want to run with the big dogs, (and not get trapped behind the group following the multi-colored umbrella) you get to the edge of that street, and ready, set, dart! Now you're going places, literally.

- The sunny side of the street has fewer tourists. (I'm guessing this will be the opposite in the winter.) After elbowing my way through two shady blocks, I realized the lopsidedness of the situation. Win for me.

- Find a place you love and go there often to refresh your soul. I'm discovering new spots every week that make me stop and breathe, but I already have a few favorites in hand. Whether I'm enjoying a cappuccino, reading a book, writing, or just being for a moment, I am a better version of me when I slow down and breathe.

It seems odd that we've come to the city that never sleeps to learn to slow down and be present. Our life is simple and yet full of goodness, laughter, and love. (I cannot even express how much I adore being married to this amazing soul I call home!) The wife has many wonderful opportunities on her college horizon; the book project that I am working on is challenging, rewarding, frustrating, and beautiful. (leavinggodfindingme.blogspot.com) I am loving it and I am loving what it is doing in me.

Peace to everyone, everywhere.

This week has flown; this week has crawled...

...but this week has been brilliantly beautiful in spite of a pesky toothache. Because I've had dental problems, well...basically since before I was born, I'm familiar with the routine, so this week has been a waiting game for a Monday afternoon appointment that was canceled on Sunday due to a family emergency. Luckily, I stumbled upon a wonderful dental clinic in the area and am now pain-free. (and will proceed to blame all typos in this post on pain meds)

On the flying side of the week, one of my wonderful sister-n-laws experienced NYC this week or I should say NYC experienced the wonderful Nancy! It has been such an adventure to have her visit. She's missed already and we considered hiding all of her belongings in an attempt to force her to stay. I am so grateful to walk this journey with my most wonderful wife, which means I also have the joy of getting to know three lovely sister-n-laws. This week we've laughed, explored, experienced the uncles' general awesomeness, and walked a million miles; It has reminded me, anew, how incredibly lucky I am.

This weekend held another big adventure for me. In spite of the pesky toothache, I attended a PFLAG meeting on Sunday. Having never actually been a part of an LGBT group of any sorts, I was unsure of what to expect; I was unprepared for the level of kindness and beauty that confronted me. I am not usually emotional, but the human goodness I felt in this meeting was enough to move me greatly. It is hard to say what moved me more, the mother who sits at Pride Parades with a sign that reads, I love my gay son, the sixty-plus year old woman who was there for answers because she's just coming to terms with her sexuality, or the transgender woman who so beautifully told her story from tormented jock to happy and fulfilled business woman of today.

I left feeling as if I'd been refreshed and challenged to make this world a safer place for all. In this place of peace and safety, people had felt comfortable sharing their stories with others. I left with an excitement about the sheer goodness that still exists in the world. I also realized, once again, how grateful I am for my parents' acceptance and love for me, my wife, and my new extended family. So many LGBT individuals never receive this acceptance. Pop never fails to ask about the girls (aka my wife's sisters) and mom and pop's home and heart are always open to them. I owe so much of my outlook on life to my parents' beautiful love for all humanity and their sincerity in the expression of such.

I am excited about this new avenue of hope; by volunteering and sharing our story with others, I can be an extension of my parents' example of love and acceptance. I have been given much in this life in terms of love, and it is the very least I can do to share that love and kindness with others. Always.

Johnny the Charmer

The sign reads: best food in the city - you be the judge. Today was the day. The wifey needed an afternoon break from a final exam essay, so off we went just around the corner from our tiny space to meet one of our eight million neighbors--Johnny the Charmer, as we now know. 

The smell alone is enough to beckon anyone with a nose, but the cheerful, bearded guy inside the food cart--the one who always yells out hello and gives a big wave--is a charmer indeed. As he made our falafel and rice (which was truly delicious) he gave us his philosophy on life at no charge. (but the secret ingredient in his rice stayed a secret)

His philosophy: Good food makes all the difference. If you are having a bad day, but you eat good food, it will make your day better. Good food gives you a certain kind of glow and makes you happy. If it is cold day, and you eat good food, you'll feel warmer. Likewise, if it is an extremely hot day, and you eat good food, the day seems cooler and more enjoyable. The world is happier when good food is involved.

It was a beautiful, peaceful day in our little corner of the world, so I can't fault his philosophy there!

If we all sent out as much cheerful energy as Johnny the Charmer....

Let it be so. Peace.

A Kiss and a Prayer (I am Michael Sam)

There's a Facebook thing going around that shows Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend after being drafted into the NFL and Tim Tebow kneeling in prayer. The post readsYou know America is in trouble when we celebrate this (the kiss) and mock this (the prayer). I can't adequately describe how much this has bothered me since seeing it, so much so, that I woke up thinking about it several times throughout the night. I don't even know that I can adequately articulate all that bothers me about this post and why it saddens and disappoints me so deeply. I am also unsure, if you truly stand behind the sentiment of this post, that there is anything that I can say that would help you see life from any different perspective than your own. 

First, if you truly believe that I am the reason that America is in trouble, then...I'm not sure I know what to say. Now you may say that you don't mean this as a personal slam to me, but, you see, I am Michael Sam, my wife is Michael Sam, and what you don't realize is that YOU are Michael Sam as well. Everyone one of us desires the freedom to live, love, and pursue a happy and peaceful life. We are all more alike than we are different, and we do not have the right to dictate how others' peaceful life should look. I didn't always realize this, and sadly, I've heaped a lot of judgments due to my lack of understanding and personal insecurities.

Second, yeah, it hurts. Okay, I said it. I personally think the kiss has taken on a life of its own and has distracted from Sam's actually talent, but I also see the significance of the first openly gay man drafted into the NFL and his open, and I might add beautiful, celebration of such. In many situations, we can, and do, still lose jobs because of who we are and who we love. It has taken me an extremely long time to be at peace with the fact that I am gay, and I intend to work towards a peaceful society that allows everyone to be who they are. This includes Tim Tebow and this includes you.

I don't endorse the mockery of Tebow. I wouldn't even know Tim Tebow if he knocked on my door today, but he has the right to believe how he chooses. It is all too easy to jab at the expression of personal beliefs instead of true dialogue about concerns and differences. I have been guilty of this, and I am trying to rise above such playground tactics as bullying those who are not like me. Be clear also, that Tim Tebow has the long-held freedom to express his religious beliefs, whereas Michael Sam has not always held the freedom to express who he is, not just his beliefs. So it is in this progress of freedom that we celebrate, not simply a same-sex kiss. (And in the name of logic, a huge portion of lgbtq that I know personally would celebrate both the kiss and the knee knelt in prayer!)

I will agree that we have some big troubles here in our nation, but my pursuit of a peaceful life with my wife is not one of them. Perhaps our troubles can be found in the the fact that corrupt money controls our politics, or that NFL players make so more than teachers, or that our prisons are for-profit while children on our soil go to bed hungry each night. We need more talk action about these issues that threaten to ruin the fabric of our society. We need more peaceful dialogue and understanding and that takes a lot of work and patience. 

I celebrate every single moment that I can proudly show affection to my wife without my life or hers being threatened. I celebrate your freedoms as well. May you be happy and at peace. 

Namaste.

(first published on Leaving God; Finding Me blog site, and obviously I gave myself permission to re-post!)