My Mom: The Guru of Motherhood

Happy Mothers’ Day from New York!  I’m quite a few miles away from my mom on this day, but it doesn't keep me from thinking about her and her incredible influence on my life; she (and pop) will have to accept part of the blame for who I am today! She’s a guru of the grandest kind, and she’s lived an exemplary life for all of us to follow, if we dare. She’s been an example to her children and to anyone who is lucky enough to know her. She needed no words; she taught us by her actions.

She taught us to live from our hearts. I’m not sure there’s ever been anything that she’s done halfheartedly. She has lived a life of simple, honest compassion before our very eyes. She has lived what she believes and she connects with those around her through love and understanding.

She taught us to love unconditionally. We've not always agreed on things, and I've made some less than intelligent decisions, but I have never doubted her love or support for me. Far too many children experience their parents’ love as a bargaining chip; not us…ever. Also, the love and acceptance mom and pop have shown my wife has been priceless to me.  My wife is my world and my family, and I’m forever grateful for their love towards her.

She taught us not to fear change. Over the past ten years, I've seen my mom adjust to a helluva lot of change, and she did it all in stride. As challenging and, no doubt painful, as some of those changes have been, she woke up every morning and did what she needed to do. She was never fearful to admit when she was wrong; if she saw something that needed to change, she changed it.

She taught us to enjoy life to the fullest. Mom has a saying: Love God and have a big time! She has always been one to squeeze every bit of enjoyment out of the moment. That passion for life is contagious, and it is with me even though miles apart. One of my fondest memories is awakening to her singing in the kitchen as she prepared for the day.

She taught us to be ourselves and to find what makes us happy. One of the final keys to my coming out was the fact that I knew my parents wanted me to be at peace, be happy, and be me. Ultimately, she wanted us to grow up kind and happy, and she has always supported us in the pursuit of such.

Today, I am happy and fulfilled, and I am grateful for my mom’s support and love. She has instilled in me the strength I need to be the change I wish to see in this world. My wife and I are so grateful to have such a soul in our corner, and we feel her constantly cheering us on.

Peace.

…and to those of who struggle on a day such as today because you have not experienced the mother’s love you deserve; know that if my mom met you, she would hug you and love you like you deserve. Peace to you.

Hashtag #wearebetterthanthis

It's been a long week. My brain is full, work has been hectic, and we had torrential downpours on Tuesday that soaked me to the bone. (Apparently, the 10th rainiest day in New York history) As usual, the highlight of my week is the few short evening hours stolen away with the love I now call home, who is currently up to her eyeballs in papers, projects, and end of semester work of her own. How I treasure those moments!

In a somewhat joking manner this week, I began hashtagging. I say jokingly, because I usually find them quite annoying, but as I read the latest nonsense that escaped Sarah Palin's lips, I said aloud, "we are so much better than this!" After I hashtagged #wearebetterthanthis, I couldn't stop thinking about this fact. We, as United States of Americans (a pet peeve, I'll admit, because you do know we are not the only ones on this continent, right?), and as humans, in general, are so much better than what we often see portrayed in the spotlights.

We can be compassionate. I see small glimpses of it every day, but we've somehow forgotten that we truly are interconnected. Most major religions have some form of The Golden Rule, and I don't think they placed it in their sacred texts as filler text! This bully-ish, spiteful side of Americans that I see at times, makes me incredibly sad; surely we've not become that type of nation.

We can be accepting. I have always loved The New Colossus by Emma Lazarus that is engraved upon our Statue of Liberty. (Give me your tired, your poor....) Our diversity is one of our greatest attributes. I'd rather be a nation that is known for its acceptance of others than to be a nation that is known for its irrational fear of the brown people.

We can be loving. Oddly enough, the thought that came to mind is the greatest of these is love. Loving others, especially those with whom we disagree, can be difficult and it does take work. Let's take the time required to actually get to know people with differing cultures, viewpoints, and religions. It takes a greater strength, as an individual and as a nation, to choose love over fear or hate, the latter being the game of the small-minded.

We all have the capacity for greater things, but it is seriously time for us to grow up. Remember the myriad of things we hold in common and quit focusing solely on our differences. Let's live from the heart of humanity, and see where that takes us for awhile.

Namaste

Change of Heart and Car-less

I think it must have been that month in France a couple of summers ago that really did it. Driving used to be this therapeutic experience for me. In my younger years, when I was angry or needed to clear my head, I'd go for a drive; road trips were short little mini-vacations themselves, and my red mustang knew its own way to Orlando and Boca Raton. Once, I jumped in my jeep and drove to Washington DC for dinner! No big deal, it was only nine and a half hours.

Perhaps I finally grew tired of it after commuting forty-five minutes each way for over ten years, or maybe I started to realize how much our country is grossly dependent upon cars and the effects of such dependency on the world around us. Whatever the reason for this evolution of thought, I found myself completely and utterly content with tram systems, subways, high-speed trains, and my own two legs while in France. It was a true change of heart, and since that time, I've been discontent with my own dependency.

For the past four months, we've not been hindered in the least by living car-less. On the contrary, we actually enjoy not having one. (the baby car sold this week--we are officially car-less now!) Only once in the past four months have we actually needed a vehicle, and in this case, it was to transport a piece of furniture that wouldn't have fit in our baby car anyway! (Grateful, once again, to a kindhearted uncle) Add to this the beautiful benefit of dinner in the city and not having to worry who will drive home, so, yes, thanks for asking, we'll both have another glass of wine.

Obviously, not everyone can practically function without a car, but it was important for us to give this a go. I had tried and failed in Louisville; anyone who has had to rely upon the TARC system knows how utterly discouraging this experience can be! Dealing with our own dependency on a car was not our main motivation behind moving to New York, but it was powerful factor in the decision making process. As with many things, it is simply not enough for us to talk about changing the mindset of the world in which we live; this time, it was important for us to actually be the change we want to see in this world.

It may seem like a small thing, and truthfully, it sometimes feels insignificant, but then I remember this, choose to go on, and do the best I can:

I am only one,

But still I am one.

I cannot do everything,

But still I can do something;

And because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

Peace to you!

Our Tiny Space

Our tiny space, our little corner of this city, our studio apartment is perfect in every way. As I make my way from the bus stop each day, I realize how lucky we are to have found it. Several had warned us not to get our hopes up when moving here. They'd ask our price range, then they'd laugh and tell us some variation of you better get used to a dump and some rats...as roommates. No worries, they'd say, it's just part of paying your dues to live in this city. We sincerely thought we'd have to settle for a bit.

A week after moving here, and camping out in the uncles' spare room, I found a listing that sounded promising, but because the rental competition here is so fierce, we were not prepared for the amount of paperwork required. We learned our lesson quickly. By the time we had the wonderful parents Fed-Ex three years of taxes returns, the apartment was leased and we were once again living at square one. (And so grateful for the kindness of the uncles.) No worries. I told myself that no one finds a place in New York that quickly. Don't be silly.

For the next month and a half, we spent almost every spare second looking for listings, walking neighborhoods, and meeting with agents. We must have walked a million miles. We checked out Harlem, the Bronx, and Sunnyside; some areas we loved and some we felt much safer after reaching the sub again. Some seemed hopeful, only to be leased out from under us or rejected because of our income bracket at the time. Once an agent called and before we could even finish our sub ride into the city to view the space, it was leased. Competition is fierce and I found myself second guessing our chances on more than one occasion.

All of these apartments we'd seen were much smaller than our current tiny space, (yes, it is possible) at the high end or beyond our price range, and dark, dingy, and shabby by comparison. On a whim, or perhaps out of desperation, I left a voice mail for the landlord we'd seen the first week. I don't think I was even expecting a return call, but the next day at work, she called! There was a spot open and we could see it that afternoon. Practically running to the bus stop after work, this time we were ready! As it turns out, this was even better than the previous apartment. Northeast corner of the building, top floor, beautiful view, plus all the added extras of location: quiet neighborhood, walking distance from the wifey's school, half-block to the bus, five minutes from the sub. I got nervous when the landlord reviewed our paper and said I wish you made more.  I assured her that I wished the same thing, but for now, this was reality. Bottom line: she liked us and we had a good connection; that made the difference.

The real bonus is that it is a small, beautiful, hardwood floored, well-kept, rat-free bldg (resident cat does his job well!) at the very bottom end of our price range--with no broker fee, I might add. Our landlord loves plants, so there are plants everywhere; it's a nice spot to come home to each day. It is a cozy  place where we can see ourselves staying until it is time to move into something a bit more house-y. (yes, I made that word up.)

As the morning sun shines through our huge windows and the tree shadows dance upon our still empty walls, I am grateful. Grateful for this move, grateful for my life, and grateful for our tiny space that we now call home.

Ciao!

Nothing specifically New York-ish but...

...I've become more aware of the interconnectedness of the all things since becoming a part of such an extraordinary mass of human beings. In the large scale churnings of such a magnificent place, I find myself contemplating many aspects of human interaction on all levels.

In this mindset, and with the passing of the seemingly hate-filled Fred Phelps this past week and the wide range of viewpoints surrounding his death, I've given much thought to the motivations behind such rage and hatred and the continuum of emotions. His life certainly did exemplify the extreme of such emotions towards a specific minority, but gratefully, I believe this extremism has benefited more than harmed the call to equality.

On a wider scale, I've also been giving much thought to compassionate responses to such hateful stances--those marked as extreme stances and also, those marked as less offensive (sarcasm intended). Many responses to Phelps' passing have been beautifully compassionate, especially coming from the LGBT community, and it has made me proud of my LGBT...family. You see, everyone loses when we retaliate; it simply snowballs into a more hate-filled society and fuels the misunderstandings, the fear, and the ignorance. We must choose, I must choose to be the one who says, "Enough." I must be the one to choose compassion and peace as a way of life. It reminds me of the idea I often see floating around social media: I said to myself "someone should do something about this," and then I realized that I am someone.

I admittedly falter in this choice of compassionate response at times; inequality hurts a real, living, breathing human being and hurt can trigger my anger. Lumping a group of people together and applying a one-size-fits-all judgment may help in casting judgments, but in truth, these are individual souls--a child, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a friend--just searching for happiness, love, and peace like any other being. In this particular topic, I've been both the judge (ashamedly) and the judged, therefore I hold an advantage of having experienced each mindset and its effects.

Spring is in the air; perhaps its a perfect time for all of us to reevaluate our judgments, our responses, our viewpoints, and our motivations in regards to our place in the family of humanity. Spring cleaning of the soul might lead to a refreshingly new approach towards all of our fellow beings just trying to make it in this journey called life.

Feelings of Spring in NYC

While the Love I now call home spent the day in the foreign lands of Brooklyn yesterday, I sat out on the hunt for a desperately needed pair of khakis and a new something to explore. I had exhausted all other options, so I took a deep breath and walked through the revolving door of Macy’s…yes, that one. My severe lack of shopping fervor and this eight floored mammoth don’t play nicely, and any survived trip to this colossal zoo is considered a roaring success.

I rewarded myself with a cappuccino from Keko's (thank you for the introduction, Tiffany) and a nice sunny hour in Madison Square Park. We've almost survived our first winter here, and I have a sneaking suspicion that springtime will be worth every single early morning trek in the bitter, snowy cold.

A collective sense of relief could be sensed in the droves of New Yorkers who were out and about today. The streets and the park was alive with activity. There were those enjoying a book, lunch, conversation, or simply the sunshine. Children were making their wobbly way towards the playground on tiny bikes with parents in tow. The air was filled with laughter coming from that direction as well.

Three months. I’m shocked when I realize we've been here only three months. Tom Wolfe once said, “One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.” I’d add to that: either one feels they belong to New York instantly or they don’t, in which case they may never feel it. Perhaps that is how it is with most places, but it seems surely the case here.

Ciao.

P.S. Last weekend we hosted our very first official visitors to NYC! It was exciting for us, and we were so pleased to show them a small bit of our little city. With time, we'll be better tour guides, but merci for letting us practice on you, Marie & Warren.

exploration en solo

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood today. The wifey has a new part time job, so I found myself exploring the city alone today. [insert a bit of a sad face here] My agenda was three-fold: A used bookstore by Union Square, the area surrounding the hotel chosen by our (first official) friends/visitors next weekend, and to locate the Whole Foods by Central Park.

First, I love riding the subway. Perhaps at some point it will become dull and monotonous, but each and every ride reminds me that we are really and truly living here. In addition, I am an avid fan of people watching. One thing in particular that stood out today, is how many adorable little older couples live in this city. I seldom take a trip anywhere by any means of transportation that I do not encounter these seemingly ancient couples.

At our bus stop today before we parted ways for work and the city, one such ancient couple exited the bus as we waited to get on. The man made his way through the crowded bus first and hopped off in front of us. As he did so, he yelled back into the bus, "ya coming, Pancake?" in a thick NY accent. As I looked onto the still crowded bus, here comes "pancake" making her way through the crowded aisle. "I'm coming, Pancake!" she answered back, as she ask for my arm to help her step off the bus. The last we saw of them, they were walking arm in arm up the sidewalk toward their destination. I don't know their story, but as we made our way onto the crowded bus, I thought to myself, "if we should be so lucky."

I found every spot on my agenda today, but my mind drifted back often to the ancient little couple and their cute interaction we had witnessed. I found myself aware of many other such older couples as I made my way through the city. They all seemed in their own little world, conversing with one another, and oblivious to the bustle around them. How beautiful it is to find someone who is willing to walk with you through this journey called life.

As for my agenda, I found the Mecca of used bookstores today: Strand. Priceless. I am also now semi-confident of the area and its offerings for next weekend's visitors. As for the Whole Foods...well, let's just say it was a zoo. The entire store was much busier than the bread aisle before a snowstorm, and I believe we'll be finding our health food elsewhere.